Read Time:- 12 minutes

Dolby Atmos is a home speaker system much like the Dolby Pro Logic Surround Sound systems of the late 1980’s, but utilises overhead speakers (or speakers which give the impression of overhead sound) to provide a more immersive experience whilst watching films or listening to music. But is it the “journey into sound” that some people profess it to be? Well, let’s find out.

Trouble “up mill”

I was having a little trouble trying to explain what Dolby Atmos is for this blog so, having an interest in new-age techy stuff I decided to see if AI (Artificial Intelligence) could write a “brief summary” of what Dolby Atmos is, for me. Which it did.

Brief, or…Brief?

Since AI’s first attempt was longer than this blog, I concluded it’s understanding of the word “brief” and mine, were somewhat at odds with each other. After half a dozen attempts we, that is me and my bestie AI, got it down to the following:-

Dolby Atmos creates an immersive, 3D sound experience at home, offering cinema-quality audio. The system provides clear dialogue, deep bass, and overhead sound effects, enhancing movies, TV shows, music, and games with realistic and immersive sound.

AI’s millionth iteration of “Brief Summary”

AI-Oh

All good then? Well, no actually. Because, for my own entertainment I asked it to make the summary amusing, to save me doing all the rubbish Dad jokes, and it decided to describe a place where fun occurs, whilst utilising fun related synonyms. Hmmm.

Dolby Atmos is like having a comedy club in your living room with speakers popping up from every corner. It’s got front row seats, center stage action, surround sound giggles, height-defying laughs, and a subwoofer that will shake your funny bone.

AI’s pathetic attempt at comedy

It’s the way I tell ’em

Not quite the side-splitting comedy I was after. I imagine Vikki would find this funny though. Anyway, I gave up with AI after 45 minutes and went back to the real world (whatever that is) of slogging through a blog.

Benevolent HMRC

I recently received a tax rebate from the HMRC and because they were so benevolent (by taking tax I didn’t owe, keeping it for 2 years, then finally giving it back), I thought it would be nice to invest in a Dolby Atmos system.

Falcon

So I did. I had to move fast though, because Vikki can always find more inventive ways to utilise additional income (like on soft furnishings, the mortgage, another jacket from Vinted). However, the last time I moved fast was in 1977 and that was only because some Charlton Athletic supporters wanted to introduce me to a friend of theirs called the Falcon Punch.

Sloth

Anyway, to provide a better indicator of my sloth like preambles, my journey into Atmos Sound really started in 1973, when I bought an album by British Prog Rockers with lovely hair, Yes. Their inventively titled Yes Album, featured a number of musical sections that, to be fully appreciated required a stereo record player (stereo was still quite new then), with decent speakers positioned some distance apart.

Clacton

For clarity, the phrase, “some distance apart” doesn’t mean you place one speaker in Stockport and the other in Clacton, it means in the same room but not necessarily next to each other. The idea was (and still is) to position yourself in a place centrally to, and equidistant from the speakers, put The Yes Album on the turntable and have your head sonically interfered with, once the pyrotechnical panning of sound across the room began.

Oranges

Now, just before that album release, in 1971, Dolby Labs were invited to provide the sound for the film A Clockwork Orange. Then, in 1977 came Star Wars, which utilised another sound system called THX. Things were changing rapidly. Then by the late 1980’s, Dolby Pro Logic was released and Surround Sound systems began appearing in Living Rooms across the globe.

Cheap as Chips

Now, fast forward 50 years to 2023 and Yes released a box set of The Yes Album which included, you’ve guessed it, a Dolby Atmos mix of the album. So, I bought it, partly because I still liked the album but mainly because I found it advertised on a website in Ireland for £29 instead of £129. So I ordered it quickly before they realised their error. It duly arrived and I was now the proud owner of a Dolby Atmos album without any equipment to play it on.

Google

2 years later I had a couple of other box sets which included Dolby Atmos mixes and so I did a load of research i.e. typing into Google, “What is a Dolby Atmos system?” and discovered I could either buy an Audio/Video Receiver (AV), plus 14 speakers and screw a load of them into the ceiling, or I could buy a soundbar (with an AV in it) which gives the impression of having speakers bolted into the ceiling but doesn’t physically require cutting holes into ceiling boards, or any other structural changes to the interior of the house.

Soundbar

A soundbar, for the uninitiated, is a long, narrow speaker box with multiple speakers in it, which you place in front of your telly; hence soundbar.

4K

My research and budget led me to a Samsung soundbar with a Sub Woofer which, when you’re into this stuff is only ever referred to as a “sub”. Referring to it as a Sub Woofer marks you out as a total novice and ultimately invites intense scrutiny, resulting in ridicule and mockery. And correctly so, in my opinion. Also my system had a couple of small rear speakers.

Right Upper, Left Lower

In a true Dolby Atmos system you’d have a Centre speaker, Left and Right speakers, Upper speakers, Rear speakers, and a “Sub”. The “Sub” deals with the Bass end of the sound spectrum. The soundbar though does the work of the Upper speakers by utilising software (called Up-Firing Drivers) to create the illusion of sound above your head.

High End Systems

Some high end systems incorporate a left-right-upper-lower and a right-lower-upper-deck-back-side-forward-reverse-upside-down-oops-upside-your-head-flat-earth-single-coil-what-time-do-the-pubs-open speaker configuration. But I couldn’t afford that, so mine’s a little more straightforward.

4K HDMI?

Anyway, the speakers arrived (I also ordered a 4K Atmos compatible Blu Ray player) and I duly plugged it all in, discovered I needed a 4K compatible HDMI cable (I didn’t know they existed), bought one in town, then fired up the system. Obviously, being a bloke I didn’t read the manuals first which meant when I put a Blu Ray disc in the player, no sound came out. Then I discovered if I pressed the buttons on the remote in a random fashion, sound did finally emanate from the system. This approach is called trial and error, sometimes referred to as being lazy and impatient.

Amazing?

I put the Yes Album on, sat down and waited, to be either amazed or disappointed. Thankfully I was amazed! One of the things people say about listening to “Atmos” music is, it’s like sitting in a room with the band playing around you. And I concur, that’s exactly what it’s like, because I immediately noted the faint aroma of marijuana, Jack Daniels and fragile ego’s swirling around the room. Then I realised that was just me.

Knickers

However, I don’t advise you to listen to Atmos in your undergarments. It can be a little disconcerting having the band stop halfway through the set and ask you to get dressed because it’s putting them off.

New for Old

The other thing to note is on albums you may have listened to hundreds of times over the years, you’ll find yourself saying “I’ve not heard that before”, as a voice or an instrument jumps out of the speakers at you. The other day I listened to Dark Side of the Moon in “Atmos”.

Voices

If you know it well then you’ll be familiar with the spoken parts (“I don’t know, I was really drunk at the time” etc. towards the end of the track “Money”). Well, I discovered there are a lot more voices on the recording than the Vinyl album had ever offered up before, so much so that when one of the new voices jumped out of the speakers, a woman saying something about a guy who was “cruising for a bruising” I thought Vikki had walked in the room while I was supposed to be polishing her shoes for work. I’m still in pieces.

It was quite impressive, but unnerving at the same time.

Streaming

To listen to music, or watch films, you can either buy it on Blu Ray and own the physical media, or if you prefer to reduce your carbon footprint (whilst the G8 nations completely ignore that sentiment), you can stream from an online service. For music that means, Spotify, Amazon Music, Tidal, Qobuz etc. Netflix, Amazon Prime, Disney+ provide 4K Dolby Atmos films. However, to receive Atmos media you have to pay an additional premium and what you get is probably nearer to “Sort of Dolby Atmos” with “2½K” films. In other words, the quality of streamed services is somewhat limited.

4K Films

Many films are being re-released in 4K with Atmos soundtracks which is great if you like the sound of a helicopter landing on your head whilst watching Mission Impossible. But much like music, finding the films which utilise the Atmos soundtracks well, can be a bit hit or miss. But 4K is a very high quality screen resolution and you’ll need a 4K telly to watch 4K films. Just like you need Atmos speakers to listen to Atmos music.

More detail on screen resolution (see what I did there?) can be found here:-

720p, 1080p, 1440p, 2K, 4K, 5K, 8K: Display Resolution Explained | iHax

Hearing

Also, if you’re slightly hard of hearing, like me…

“I SAID….!?!”

Ha Ha. Anyway, perhaps an Atmos system is for you, since it provides much better control of TV sound and clarity of spoken word by utilising the soundbar. Most flatscreen TV’s have very small speakers (to fit in the TV housing) resulting in “limited” sound quality. Which is where a soundbar and/or an Atmos system comes in. Admittedly, you may need understanding neighbours when you crank up the volume, but that’s a small price to pay.

Conclusion

My opinion? It all went wrong after Edison got involved. But really. For me it has breathed new life into some albums (and films) that are 50 years old (and sometimes older) and also certain musical styles seem to translate better to Atmos. Digital or synthesized music is very good, as are big productions. Special effects on albums work well too. The thunder and lightning strikes during Riders on the Storm by The Doors are especially atmospheric. I’m not saying they’re realistic but at one point I did put up an umbrella.

Geoffrey

To close, I’ll paraphrase actor Geoffrey Sumner, who in 1958 was the voice of Decca’s advancement into stereo. This is an album my dad had and we used to listen to it as kids. I think my elder sister stole it. However, I’m waiting patiently for Decca to release it on Atmos, because for me, then my journey in Dolby Atmos sound, will be complete.

Bomb The Bass

If you think you might have heard the phrase “a journey into sound” somewhere before, it’s probably here…

Thank you for your time.

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Lees Blogosphere

Reading Time :- 10 mins

This year, Record Store Day (RSD) took place on Saturday April 12th. But, what is it, what was it like and should you care (even if you do have FOMO)?

Record Store Day

Record Store Day is a one day event, dedicated to the pursuit of vinyl records, and takes place annually, at participating record shops across the globe.

The nearest Record Shop for me was Novel Sounds in Maldon (about a mile away) but I also took a drive to Intense Records in Chelmsford (about 10 miles away) which had a much greater selection of records on offer.

So, what is it?

Taking place every year (a bit like International Jet Wash Your Patio Day but slightly more interesting) RSD is when hundreds of special edition vinyl albums are released (there are some geographical differences), and are only available in record shops (to begin with).

What’s the point?

It began in 2007 in the US (before 25% tariffs were imposed on vinyl) as a way to reinvigorate the ailing vinyl records industry. Vinyl had been out of fashion since the invention of the CD in the 80’s, which, as many of you will know were purported to work even if you dipped them in jam, but all that really happened was you ended up with a CD player clogged up with Strawberry Conserve and a roomful of bees.

And as a result, a couple of record shop owners decided they would try to encourage people back to a few nearby record stores, with a ‘special’ vinyl day. RSD is now in it’s 18th year and is getting bigger every year.

So, how does it work?

Well, it’s like this. The record companies decide which new albums/singles they will ‘release’ on Record Store Day, the record shops decide if they want to participate (it can be a big money spinner – more on that later), then the RSD organisers release a list of records which will be available, anything from a-ha to Zombina and the Skeletones (a particular favourite of mine) and everything in between.

Then people like me who actually buy vinyl records (I’m listening to one while I’m writing this), fill in a form ‘requesting’ certain records they would like to buy and email it to their local record shop.

Who invented these lists?

The record shops then ‘order’ the records based up on these requests, e.g. 25 Bowie albums, 9 Blur albums, 3,811 Zombina and the Skeletones albums etc.

1st Rule

All straightforward so far? Not for long. The first rule of Record Store Day is “never talk about Record Store Day”. Oh, no that’s Fight Club. The first rule of RSD is:- Record Shops cannot guarantee the requested records will be received (aka supply and demand). For example, I ordered a John Lennon EP from Novel Sounds. Howard the owner, explained he was unable to get any copies at all.

Early Doors

The second rule of RSD is, even if the record shop is able to fulfill your requests, they are not able to hold onto them for you. All records are available on a ‘first come, first served’ basis. This is because the idea is to get people into record stores on the day, not sometime next week, maybe, when I’ve got a bit more time. Which means every year you hear horror stories of people ‘camping out’ days before the event!

Hope

So, yes the queues can be very long. At 8 am in Chelmsford the queue was about 400m long. In Maldon it was a little shorter but people were outside at 8am. I wasn’t; I was still in bed. I did get there at about 9.30 though. Novel Sounds is quite small. I mean, anymore than 5 people and you’re on first name terms within minutes.

Triangulation

One slight issue I have with Novel Sounds is it sits right on the outer rim of what is commonly referred to (in my house at least) as The Maldon-Bermuda Triangle. This is made up of three distinct map references. The first, towards the north end of the High Street is Novel Sounds Record Shop. The second is Maldon Bookshop next door, and just across the High Street is the third reference point, the Maldon Coffee Company.

Holy Trinity

It has been noticed that when people like myself enter this triangle they can go missing for days at a time. And when they do finally return to their loved ones, they are confused, they have no memory of where they have been, all their money has gone, but it has been magically replaced with records, books and coffee beans. It happens to me a lot.

Request

Sadly, my request to Novel Sounds for 4 RSD albums and an EP ended up being 1 album and no EP (perhaps I should have got up earlier after all). Which is why I decided on a trip to Intense Records in Chelmsford. Being a much larger store they were able to accommodate a lot more people and a lot more albums.

Driven

So Vikki (my wife, who often forces me to buy vinyl) and I drove through Danbury to the Chelmsford park and ride, took a bus into the town centre and walked up to Intense Records in the Meadows shopping centre. We arrived at about 10 o’clock and were greeted by a very long queue!

Horrified, we joined the back, we were then told off by security for standing in the wrong place, and then listened to a few acoustic sets by the invited buskers, providing entertainment for the record buyers.

Passport Control

We’d already parked at a massive open air car park, taken a bus and were now in a long queue. It felt like I was going on holiday, so I started removing my shoes, belt, and electrical equipment, in readiness to go through the security scanners at passport control.

Trousered

Vikki asked me what I was doing. I explained about passport control and she gave me the ‘thousand yard stare’ and told me to put my trousers and underpants back on. So I did. Before security told me off again.

Cosplay

On a few occasions it felt a little like being an extra in a Star Wars film, as there appeared to be a cosplay convention going on in The Meadows at the same time. Moss Eisley spaceport has never looked so inviting, even if Obi-Wan did famously refer to it as a “hive of scum and villainy.” That’s Mos Eisley, not The Meadows. Well, I’m not sure which one he was referring to now I come to think of it.

Baby

When we got to the far end of the queue we could see the buskers and the cosplayers. At one point Vikki said quizzically, “Do you think the baby on that fellow’s back looks a bit odd?” I looked over to where she was indicating.

“Yes,” I said. “You’re right, it does.” She continued squinting and studying it. “But that’s because it’s Yoda,” I explained.

Fun

And the fun didn’t stop there either. Actually it did but not for me because soon we were in the shop and I was spending money like there was no tomorrow and all the records I’d been desperate for since 9.30 this morning (about 90 minutes ago), were within my grasp.

I ended up with a few albums; one by the Boomtown Rats, a Sabbath album I picked up in Maldon, a couple of others, and yes, an EP by Lennon. I knew you’d be concerned but it’s ok now.

After Eight

If you can’t get to your local record shop on the day, many are open on Sunday, selling off additional stock and also you can buy online on Monday after 8pm. They also start appearing on sites like eBay and Discogs soon after, with the usual markup added.

2024

Last year we also went to Intense Records on RSD and wandered straight into the shop at about 11.30. It was certainly much busier this year, which is encouraging but also disconcerting in some ways, because usually when the pursuit of money outweighs everything else, it results in a sea-change, from quality to quantity; where the quality goes down and the price goes up.

2026

However, whilst waiting to pay I was speaking to the shop assistant about the day and she explained they would make enough money today to keep the shop open for another year. So, perhaps Record Store Day is working, if like me you like to have a plethora of shops to choose from. Which I do. I draw the line at card shops and charity shops though; they have been abusing the privilege for years.

FOMO

And, in answer to my question about whether to go to Record Store Day because you have FOMO? The answer is no you shouldn’t. You should go to therapy instead.

Links

Further information can be found at the following links:-

Record Store Day UK

Record Store Day | Celebrate the UK’s independent record shops

Novel Sounds

Novel Sounds | Record Shop | 21c High Street, Maldon, UK

Intense Records

Intense Records Drum & Bass, Dubstep, CDs and Vinyl Record Shop

Thank you for your time.

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On 11th August 991 AD, a battle was fought between Anglo-Saxon and Viking armies, just outside the coastal town of Maldon, Essex. So, what caused the battle, what was the outcome, why did J.R.R. Tolkien write about it, and why should we be interested in something that happened over 1,000 years ago, when most of us can’t remember what happened last Wednesday? Well, let’s have a look.

Football Hooligans

For some, the Battle of Maldon represents a great moment in the history of Britain, where Anglo-Saxons gallantly fought and temporarily repelled the onslaught of Viking invaders, but much like the England football team under Gareth Southgate, got themselves to the final but still managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Others though, consider the battle as nothing more than an aggregated version of the superfluous punch-ups occurring outside Wetherspoons (or ‘spoons) at kicking-out time on Friday nights.

Teenage Rampage

In 991 AD when the battle took place, Britain was very different to today. For a start, the Romans had departed the isles and hadn’t got around to building the M25 (known in the local vernacular as the Emtiius Twentyfiveicus, or MXXV), so traffic was still able to move freely around Londinium with the minimum of fuss.

Hitler

However, much like the Duke of Normandy, Napoleon, Adolf Hitler, Putin, Colonel Gaddafi, Pol Pot, Jabba The Hutt and a whole bunch of other devious miscreants, the Vikings wanted a piece of that pre-M25 action.

Lingerie

The Vikings, as I’m sure you’re well aware, hailed from the lands of Scandinavia and had ventured west across the North Sea in search of money, slaves, sex shops, saunas, lingerie, football and a good old booze-fuelled fight.

Lindisfarne

In 793, on the North Eastern coast of England they discovered the Holy Island of Lindesfarne, and pillaged it, taking jewels and anything else of value to them. They enjoyed themselves so much, they came back fairly regularly, much like English tourists flocking to the Costa Del Sol in search of cheap booze and nosh.

Folkstone – Jewel of the South

In August 991 the Vikings set off from Denmark in search of sun, sea, sand and sangria but discovered Folkstone instead. Somewhat disappointed, they nicked anything that wasn’t bolted down, burnt everything else to the ground (many, including the Anglo Saxons, said this was their greatest achievement), sailed up the coast to Sandwich, sacked that, sailed to Ipswich, sacked that too and then returned to the River Blackwater in search of Maldon and the Royal Mint that resided there.

Glamping

Maldon was an important town, and home to important people. Near the town, in the centre of the river Blackwater is Northey Island. The Viking leader, who may have been one of a number of men; Andlaf, Svein Forkbeard⁵, or more likely Olafr Tryggvason, decided to set up camp here. There were 93 Viking longships carrying in the region of 3000-6000 fighting men.

Byrhtnoth (Old English: Byrhtnoð)

It’s likely the local Ealdorman to King Ethelred the Unready – meaning ‘poorly advised’ – Lord Byrhtnoth (pronounced Brithnoth), had already been informed the Vikings were nearby, after the violence of the coastal towns had been reported.

He had gathered a fighting force, of a similar size to the invaders, who had travelled from across East Anglia to take up arms against the invaders.

The Big Fella

Byrhtnoth was an imposing figure. Standing well over 6 feet tall and likely in his late 60’s, he had long flowing silver hair and an unwavering determination to protect his land.

Poverty Conscious

The Vikings, camped on the island, urged Byrhtnoth to pay them to ‘go away’, in an early form of a ‘protection racket’ later taken up with gusto by the Mafia and the Kray Twins.

Lager Louts

Danegeld or Danish Gold, later became synonymous with Carlsberg, probably the best lager in the world. But Carlsberg and advertising slogans were still in their infancy then, so it didn’t catch on.

It’s All Kicking Off

But Byrhtnoth was having none of it and gave them a response the Vikings didn’t necessarily want to hear. “We’ll pay you with Spear Tips and Swords!” However, shouting words to the effect of “Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough” to Viking invaders, was much like telling your local Hell’s Angels Chapter that they’re a bunch of sissies and their tricycles are for losers, as neither group were renowned for their deep introspection where anger management was concerned.

Panta

But the river, known at the time as the Panta, had a part to play in the exchange of insults, as high tide cut the island off from the mainland. And the causeway, linking the two, was temporarily submerged by the rising tides. The Vikings attempted to cross the causeway but were held back by a small group of East Saxon militia and had to wait for the tide to change. To amuse themselves while they waited, they invented Lego and cured a few flitches of bacon.

The Viking leader then asked Byrhtnoth to allow his army passage onto the mainland to do battle.

A Frank Exchange of Views

The discussion went something like this:-

Olafr Tryggvason: “Hey Britney, you want to have punch up with us, yes? We do fisticuffs?”

Lord Byrhtnoth: “It’s not Britney. It’s Byrhtnoth. Britney’s my wife.”

OT: “Excuse my ignorance, Britney. I am Danish. I have come to take your little island, as souvenir of our holidays. And your women. They make good pets, no? Perhaps they do jiggy-jiggy? Heheheh!”

LB: “Well, some definitely do, er… so I am informed. But you’re not having them, so clear off and take those degenerates with you.”

OT: “Britney, you’re not being very welcoming, and we’ve come such a long way to visit, haven’t we lads?”

The Vikings cheer in unison.

LB: “I told you, it’s Brith, er.. Bryan…er, Briff…well anyway, thanks for coming but we’re busy this week, what with harvest. And Ahmed from DPD is delivering our Combine Harvesters from Ernest Doe between 9.57 and 10.57, so bye then.”

OT: “Well, can’t they deliver to neighbour, or leave in safe place, behind wheelie bins?”

LB:” “I can’t update the order, the signal is a bit dodgy here, sorry.”

OT: “Well I tell you what, you let us cross river, we have bit of dust up, and whoever wins gets pick of laydees and combines. Whaddya think?”

LB: (aside) “What do you think lads, can we take ’em?”

General nods of approval.

Anglo-Saxons: ” Yeah, we can do ’em. Put the big man up front, overload on the flanks and chuck it in the mixer. Them Danish, they don’t like it up ’em.”

LB: (to the Vikings) “You, my good man, are on! Now, a wager perhaps, on who comes out victorious?”

OT: “Wager? What is wager? Why you talk in riddles Britney?”

LB: “You know, a bet, a wager.”

OT: “I give you bet Britney. I bet you lose your fucking head!”

LB:” And I bet you soil your britches! (holding his nose) Oh, looks like I’ve won already!”

OT: “Right, that does it! Charge!”

Decisions

And Byrhtnoth finally allowed the Vikings to cross. Many have considered this a poor military decision, based either on pride, arrogance or pure foolhardiness. But it is also recognised that Byrhtnoth had little choice other than to fight, as the Vikings would have attacked other towns on the coast, and these locations wouldn’t have had the luxury of an army.

The Poem

Much of what is known of the battle is from a surviving fragment of a poem, author unknown, which was written a few years later, and was transcribed during the 1700’s.

The Shield Wall

In the Anglo-Saxon poem of The Battle of Maldon, the author describes the warriors as they build their shield wall and fire arrows and spears at the ‘sea-wanderers’. Then they meet in pitched battle and fight hand to hand combat with swords. The poem describes the wounding, then death of Byrhtnoth at the hands of the ‘slaughter-wolves’. He is cut down by a poisoned spear but is able to kill his attacker with a spear through the neck before he too dies.

The following link includes a recent translation of the poem.

The Norse Mythology Blog | norsemyth.org: The Battle of Maldon | Articles & Interviews on Myth & Religion

This prompts some to flee from the battlefield. One deserter, takes Byrhtnoth’s magnificent steed and races away. Unfortunately others believe this to be Byrhtnoth himself and they also flee, breaking the shield wall. The Vikings start to take control but there are heavy casualties on each side.

Defensive Formations

Much like Gareth Southgate and the England team when they played the Danish at the recent Euro 24 tournament, the Anglo-Saxons used a very safe, defensive, 4-2-3-1 formation with the shield wall being Declan Rice and Trent Alexander-Arnold protecting the back four. Bellingham, Foden, Kane and Saka were the attacking militia, chucking spears and firing arrows. On both counts, the spears and arrows appeared blunted through over use.

Danegeld

Ultimately the game ended 1-1 with neither team ever getting a foothold in the match. Unlike the Vikings a thousand years ago. They decimated the Britons in what would become known as the first occasion where Danegeld was paid to the marauders. This was raised in taxes (surprise!) and given to the Vikings who agreed not to return. Which they didn’t. Until it ran out.

After the Battle

Byrhtnoth’s body was taken by the Anglo-Saxons to Ely Cathedral, and he was buried there. He had been decapitated during the battle and his head was never recovered.

Spoils of War

Tryggvason went home with the Danegeld, Britney Spears and a New Holland CR10 Combine, with Twin Rotor Threshing Technology included as standard.

Tolkien

JRR Tolkien had a keen interest in Old English, was Professor of Anglo-Saxon at Oxford, and studied the Battle of Maldon manuscript for many years. He even went as far to continue and finish the story from the Battle of Maldon poem in his book, The Homecoming of Beorhtnoth.

There is evidence to suggest the Battle of Maldon poem and the people within it, influenced Tolkien in the creation of the world of the Lord of the Rings, and as such, Tolkien believed it to be one of the most important pieces of historical writing. And it is the existence of the poem which elevates the battle to a higher status in history, as it is one of the few battles of that period where any real evidence exists.

Having said that, no archaeological proof has ever been found regarding the battle, and until it is literally unearthed, there will always be speculation over it.

Today

Today the battle site is little more than farmland and marshland beside the River Blackwater. It can be accessed on foot from Maldon Promenade, where Byrhtnoth’s statue stands, as a sentinel, watching over Northey Island. Northey Island still exists in much the same way as it did a 1000 years ago as does the causeway, making the island accessible at low tide.

There is a sense of calm but also foreboding about the place. It’s very quiet, eerily quiet, considering the mayhem that took place there. But, whether you’re interested in history or not, it’s wonderful we have a direct connection to the troubled and sometimes violent times of a 1000 years ago.

Maldon

Maldon itself is keen on preserving the history of the battle, and of Byrhtnoth himself and references to both can be seen all over the town.

The Duke

And if that wasn’t bad enough, a mere 75 years later, in October 1066 a certain Duke of Normandy rolled up at Pevensey Bay on the Sussex coast, surveyed the land from the beach and said, “I am going to take zees island, as a souvenir of my ‘olidays.” Or words to that effect. And he did. But that’s another story.

Thank you for your time.

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Somewhere between Maldon and Mersea Island on the Essex coast, lies Copt Hall Nature Reserve. I never knew it existed but then it’s not exactly advertised. So, I thought I’d take a look. And as I discovered, it has quite a surprising history.

Let’s Get Quizzical

The other night Vikki and I were at a Quiz Night. It was organised by some local people trying to raise funds to keep the only hospital in Maldon, St. Peters, open. Imagine that, having to raise funds to keep public services i.e. services already paid for by the public, running.⁶

Maldon River

Anyway, at this quiz, one of the questions was, “Which river does Maldon sit upon?” And because we live there, everyone said, “Easy. The Blackwater.” But as we smugly filled in the answer, there was one lone, dissenting voice which stood up against the barrage of blustering buffoonery. Vikki.

The Battle of Blackwater Bay

“It’s not the Blackwater,” she said calmly. “Everyone thinks that. And they’re wrong. It’s the Chelmer.”

Some furrowed their brows and said, “But the Chelmer empties into the Blackwater upstream.” Some stated, “The Chelmer ends in Chelmsford.” Others said “What was the question again, I wasn’t really listening?” Cue debate, discussion, review and a then finally, a decision. We went with the Blackwater.

Fine Margins

Our team, missed out on winning by ½ a point. One half of a fricking point. And yes, the correct answer was The Chelmer. Vikki took no delight in reminding me afterwards that the difference between coming first and second was, technically speaking, the Blackwater/Chelmer question. But I still winced nonetheless.

Beeleigh Falls

So, what is it with the Blackwater and Chelmer that confuses so many? Well, it appears they both run around the Essex countryside for a bit until they get to Beeleigh which is just outside Maldon. Then it gets tricky, as the Chelmer takes over as the primary river, where it runs through Maldon and empties into the Blackwater estuary.

Blackwater Switcheroo

And what of the Blackwater then I hear you cry? Well, it turns into the Blackwater Canal before emptying into the Heybridge Basin before becoming the River Blackwater again. ⁷

So, on reflection it’s all very vexing and complicated but here’s the important thing.

The Important Thing

If you get in your car and take the B1026 Goldhanger Road, east from Maldon, and follow the flow of the River Blackwater (not the Chelmer) as it meanders its way towards the North Sea, after about 13 miles you would arrive at a place called Little Wigborough, where you would find Copt Hall Lane. And here is a Nature Reserve run by the National Trust.

Nature Reserve

Now, you wouldn’t necessarily know you were at a Nature Reserve when you get to the junction, because a.) there are no signs to it and b.) what signs there are, refer only to Copt Hall. The lane is quite long, so when Vikki and I visited, we drove down to the end and found a little National Trust car park, next to a large house, some farm buildings and a church.

The Great War

Little Wigborough is the smaller sibling of Great Wigborough, which is a mile or two along the road (above). But Little Wigborough is famous for something that happened during World War 1.

On the night of September 23rd 1916, a new German ‘super’ Zeppelin Airship, numbered L33, was shot down after a bombing raid on Bow, and the Thames warehouses in London. During the raid, the Airship was hit by an anti-aircraft shell and consequently began to lose height.

Railway

From the sky, the crew followed a railway line to Chelmsford, then followed the River Blackwater towards the Heybridge Basin. It was then a lone voice stated, “That isn’t the Blackwater. Everyone thinks that. But they’re wrong, It’s the Chelmer.” How the Germans laughed.

"Selbst die dummen Engländer kennen ihre eigenen Flüsse nicht!!"8

Cue discussion etc.

In the meantime, the ship had lost more height and as a result it crash landed at Little Wigborough.

Herr Kapitan!

The airship landed across Copt Hall Lane, where the commander, Kapitanleutenant Bocker decided to set light to the 650 foot aircraft before the British could get their hands on it.

With the sky ablaze in the distance, the crew walked 1½ miles to Peldon, where they were arrested by a special constable after asking directions to Colchester.

Dirigible

When the copper saw what had happened to the Zeppelin he said, “You can’t park there me old china,” and escorted them to West Mersea Church where they were held under armed guard. Later, they were moved to a POW Camp in Scotland for the remainder of the war.

Further reading on this story can be found here…Zeppelins over Essex | (essexrecordofficeblog.co.uk)

Also the following book provides further information.

Car Park

However, as you may recall, we weren’t here for Zeppelins, we were here for nature. Parking up, we looked at the signs (because once you get there, there are signs), and discovered the route to the marshes.

Now I use the phrase Nature Reserve advisedly because if you’re expecting the Springwatch crew to be down there wandering about in the undergrowth then you might be a little disappointed. There is a Bird Hide admittedly, not that we saw it as you will soon discover.

Grandiose

Having managed your expectations regarding the grandiosity of the reserve, one of the fundamental joys of discovering places literally ‘off the beaten track’ is there is often nobody else within miles. In reality though, this location isn’t ‘off the beaten track’, it’s ‘off the unbeaten track’…which itself is off the beaten track…if you get my meaning.

Maps

We studied the map, and took the path which wasn’t so much a path as route between two lines of trees and started walking. After a few minutes we discovered that even though it was bright and sunny, the path was less so and we had to make a few minor detours around newly formed ponds and lakes (slight exaggeration).

Skylark

For long periods, the only sounds we heard were those of the breeze and the birdsong. And every so often, the breeze would drop to a faint, light zephyr (or perhaps Zeppelin) and then the wildlife would also fall silent. And for a brief moment, it was so quiet the only thing I could hear was my tinnitus. Sometimes I could hear Vikki’s tinnitus too.

After walking for about 3 minutes we discovered we were lost and checking another map, which just confused us even more, we decided to go in the direction of the nearest path.

Oysters

This took us towards the marshes and a surprising view across the Blackwater. Because from this vantage point you can see the Coast Road at West Mersea (which is where Colchester Oysters are farmed) and the caravan site where I am writing this from.

The Gate Lakes

Next we ventured on towards the bird hide and following the path through the trees and hedgerows we discovered the furthest extent of the path to the hide, as another newly formed lake brought our recently discovered wanderlust to an unexpected conclusion.

Finding our way barred, we returned from whence we had come and decided to visit the church instead. Except, the route to that was barred also. By a sign, a fence and a woman voraciously mowing the lawn.

Copt Hall – The Return

And that was the end of a brief but enjoyable sojourn around Copt Hall. However, I returned a few weeks later to discover we would never have found our way to the hide anyway, irrespective of the lake at the gate, since we were walking in completely the wrong direction. So, on this occasion I decided to walk in the right direction which led me here.

From here it’s a 10 minute walk to the hide which, before you get too excited, really is only a shed in a field, with some narrow openings used for bird watching.

Species Categorisation

But I did manage to watch some birds from the hide. My knowledge of the complexities of avian species and sub-species categorisation is very limited, so I came up with my own classifications, which are as follows: if they’re flying they’re Pigeons, if they’re on water they’re Ducks, and if they’re trying to steal your chips, they’re Gulls.

Darwin, I feel would’ve approved.

Information

But here’s the thing: you don’t have to have any knowledge of nature to enjoy it. You just go somewhere, away from people and buildings preferably, and there it is. And usually, it’s free.

So, I hope you enjoyed your virtual visit to the Nature Reserve. If you want to physically visit, please note the car park is open between 8am – 6pm and it takes about 1½ hours to walk the whole route, with a stop off at the hide. Be aware that the ground currently (June ’24) is still damp underfoot, but it is mainly dry and flat.

Thank you for your time.

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New Gold Dream

1980-2024

Simple Minds formed as part of the Glasgow punk scene in 1977 and came to prominence in the early 80’s, racking up a string of hits with their arty, atmospheric duel keyboard/guitar driven rock music, which transferred very well to large venues. Very large venues.

Big Time Johnnies

Initially going under the moniker “Johnny and the Self-Abusers”, Simple Minds were playing in large arenas and stadiums across the globe by the time they played Band Aid in 1985. But before that they were the opening act in smaller venues like the Lyceum Ballroom (capacity 2,000), where many people, me included, voted with their feet and went to the bar instead.

44 years later and they were back in London, this time playing at the O2 Arena (capacity 20,000) which is where I caught up with them.

Distances

The Lyceum gig I attended was on Sunday 24 February 1980, in The Strand, London. The next time was at the O2 Arena, Greenwich. The distance geographically, between the two venues as the crow flies, is approximately 5.3 miles or 8.5 km, in modern money. So, not very far. The distance in time was 44 years. So, quite large. The distance however, between the events in terms of presentation, status and spectacle was far greater, in many, many ways.

The Lyceum

In case you don’t know (and why would you) The Lyceum Ballroom no longer exists as a ballroom. It’s now a theatre and has hosted The Lion King musical since 1999. It began life in 1765 and has been rebuilt a few times and its location has been used for a circus, Madame Tussauds, a chapel and an Opera House. It began life as a ballroom in 1951 when Mecca took it over, which it continued to be until 1986, when it closed, before opening again 10 years later as…a theatre.

February 1980

I rocked up at the Lyceum in February 1980 with a couple of members of the band the Pressure Stops, in which I played guitar. Roy (bass) and Steve (vocals) came with me. Now, it should be noted that I was (and still am) an avid music listener and gig goer, but we hadn’t come to see Simple Minds on this occasion. Oh no. We didn’t even know who they were (neither did anyone else to be fair). They’d had no real chart success at that time.

Far Away In Time

We’d come to see the Only Ones and, to a lesser extent, Martha and the Muffins. The Only Ones had had some success with the single Another Girl, Another Planet and Martha and the Muffins had a Top10 hit with Echo Beach. As for Simple Minds, their first attack on the upper echelons of the UK singles charts didn’t occur for another two years with Promised You a Miracle which made it to No. 13 in 1982. Before that their singles hovered around the top 50 – 75 positions.

And, it must be noted, that in the late 70’s early 80’s, if Radio stations didn’t play the record, or your mate didn’t lend it to you and it wasn’t on TOTP, then you’d never hear it¹⁰ unless you bought it yourself and that wouldn’t happen because a.) records were far too expensive just to buy anything and b.) you didn’t know it existed anyway.

Bar Room Blues

But back to the gig. The best bit about it was this. Someone decided, (not me I hasten to add, since I was here to soak up the music, rip off any musical ideas I could, and pass them off as my own, and generally check out other, more professional bands) that the bar was the place to be while the ‘no-hopers’ that were the support acts were up on the stage doing their thing.

Sweaty Socks

From memory we watched a couple of Simple Minds songs before someone (I suspect Roy) said, “I’ve had enough of these ‘sweaty’s’¹¹ let’s get a beer.”

Me being me just said, ‘yeah, ok’ and that was it. We watched a bit of Martha and the Muffins and all of the Only Ones, before rapturous applause ensued, the house lights went up, and we all shuffled towards the exit and went home.

Summary of Simple Minds in 1980 – went to the bar.

Elephant

Having said all of that, I’ve listened to a recording of Simple Minds from a gig later in 1980, coincidentally also at The Lyceum, and if I’m being completely honest, Roy made the right decision. Because being in a band is like having a new born baby. You think yours is beautiful. Everyone else smiles but secretly thinks it looks like a cross between ET and the Elephant Man.

SIMPLE MINDS The Lyceum London 26th October 1980 (youtube.com) (Audio Only)

O2 Arena

Now, compare that offering to the gig at the O2. Simple Minds have now amassed some 60 million album sales worldwide, so you could say they’ve done ok for themselves in the interim, the Lyceum gig notwithstanding.

Direction

They released an album in 2022 called Direction of the Heart, which I bought when it was released and I thought was very good, so when I saw they were touring I thought I’d get some tickets. The nearest gig to me was at the O2 Arena in Greenwich (the Millennium Dome as was), so I got online and bought a pair of tickets as near to the front as my pension would allow.

First mistake: not checking the exact location of the seats. Vikki, who came with me, was not so keen to get their early so she managed to organise 10 minutes off work (seriously). Second mistake: not insisting on leaving with enough time to get something to eat beforehand.

Sir Rod

Anyway we got up their easily enough. From Witham (where Vikki works) it’s a 30 minute train journey to Stratford, change onto the Jubilee Line, 10 minutes to North Greenwich and a 5 minute walk to the arena. However, the last time I went to the O2 it was to see Rod Stewart, purely because I won some tickets. And they were tickets right at the back, in the top tier.

Base Jump

If you’ve never experienced the top tier at the O2 then my advice is this: don’t. Unless you enjoy base jumping, bungee jumping, skydiving or vertigo. Not only is it high, it’s steep too. And you’re about a mile away from the stage, so you can’t see anything.

This time I had tickets on the lowest level at the side, about a 3rd of the way back. Quite good. Or so you’d think. Remember I hadn’t checked the seat location properly. We were in Block 111, which is Entrance H. So we got to the O2 and followed the signs to ‘H Block’. And followed the signs. And followed the signs. After walking for about 15 minutes we continued to follow the signs.

Blair Witch

And then after following the signs a bit more we began to have a dual panic attack, and fearing we had somehow stumbled into a remake of the Blair Witch Project and were walking in circles not going anywhere (which technically, we were), we discovered Entrance H. Phew.

More No-Hopers

Then we made our way to our seats and that’s when I realised we were on the opposite side of the arena to where I thought we were supposed to be. Not only that but the second schoolboy error was selecting seats next to the aisle. Great if you want to spend the gig in the bar (as quite a few people seemed to) but not so good if you want to watch the band. Because there was a continuous stream of people, stragglers looking for their seats. Admittedly it was only during the no-hoper support act Del Amitri, so it was no great loss to society.

The Place To Be

The key, at least at the O2, is to buy tickets for Entrance A, which is Block 101 and when selecting seats, ensure the nearest aisle is to your right, that way you will have a swift exit to the station (in front of 20,000 other people) and won’t have to look at people taking selfies while you’re sitting there trying to watch the band, with everyone shouting “Oi! Was your dad a glazier?”

Where’s Roy When You Need Him?

As for the gig, I stayed for the whole show, Roy wasn’t there to take me off to the bar so I can honestly say it was a spectacle. A big, mesmerising light show, floor to ceiling video screens across the back of the whole stage showing cut up videos, lyrics and album covers. A seven-piece band with Jim Kerr (vocals) and Charlie Burchill (guitar) from the original 70’s Johnny and the Self-Abusers days. And they played all the hits, plus some new and old numbers.

You may remember Promised You a Miracle was their first hit in ’82. That got an airing. As did Alive and Kicking, Don’t You (Forget About Me), Waterfront, Belfast Child, Glittering Prize and all the others.

Shakespeare

And after it was over, we got stuck behind a queue of 20,000 people all wanting to get on the Jubilee Line at the same time (slight exaggeration), but made it back to the centre of the universe (Maldon) at a little after midnight, which is long after my bedtime, now I’m an old crumbly. However, I have now just recovered enough to write this blog, and as some other old crumbly, who used to write the 16c equivalent of blogs once said, all’s well that ends well.

UK Return

You can still catch Simple Minds on tour if you’re quick. As of April 2024 they are in Europe but return to the UK in June before returning to the continent once again.

Thank you for your time.

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Some musicians are renowned for playing long gigs. And I mean, “long gigs” i.e. where you might want to consider a.) bringing a comfy chair and a sleeping bag and/or b.) arranging alternative transportation home. It’s part of the fabric of who they are as people, as performers, and as musicians. Others though, plough a lone furrow and choose the potential ignominy of playing very short gigs. One such undertaking was performed by Indie duo The White Stripes in Canada in 2007 and became known as the One Note Gig. Here’s what happened.

The Boss

The Boss, Bruce Springsteen is embarking on a World Tour in March 2024 taking in the UK, Europe, US, and various other locations en route. Now Bruce is known for his long stage shows, usually clocking in north of 3 hours. But his longest gig was just a shade over 4 hours, in 2016 in Philadelphia.

The Beatles

By comparison, The Beatles, during the mid 60’s and at the height of Beatlemania, regularly played for no longer than 35 minutes. and that was to sold out audiences of anywhere between 20,000 and 50,000 people, at places across the US such as the Hollywood Bowl, Shea Stadium etc. However, nobody could hear them over the incessant screaming, so it’s quite possible they played for much longer and nobody noticed.

I Promised You A Miracle

It is normal, these days at least, to expect a gig by a top selling artist, playing at a large theatre or arena, to run from anywhere between 1 hour 30 minutes, to 2 hours. For example, Vik and I recently visited the O2 Arena in Greenwich to see 80’s Art Rockers, Simple Minds. That particular gig ran from 8.30 to 10.30pm, including encores. So, 2 hours, give or take a minute or two.

Longest Heavy Metal Gig

The longest recorded Heavy Metal gig of all time, and there are a number of criteria for this, is by a popular beat combo called Manowar, who also indulge in some Heavy Metal riffing too. They played for just over 5 hours and this gig made the Guinness Book of Records. It took place in Bulgaria at the Kaliakra Rock Festival in 2008.

Is the Shortest Gig the Shortest?

There is no entry for the shortest gig ever however, because, according to Guinness, the relevant gig didn’t meet the required criteria. And, looking at it, I think they might have a point. There is however, a shortest gig entry which goes to The Who. The gig took place in March 2007, in Tampa, Florida, USA and was abandoned after 13 seconds when vocalist Roger Daltrey realised he couldn’t sing due to bronchitis (they came back and finished the gig a few weeks later).

The Shortest Gig Ever

What is generally considered to be the shortest gig ever, Guinness Book of Records criteria aside, was undertaken by the White Stripes. And that gig ran for a whopping 1 second (yes you read that correctly) and consisted of one note only. Most agree the note was a C# but others say it sounded much more like a Db. (This is a hilarious music related joke as they are the same. Don’t you wish you were in a band?) Ok, What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A drummer. Ha ha. I have loads of ’em.

The White Stripes

You may remember the White Stripes. They were a duo from Detroit, Michigan USA who came to prominence at the back end of the 1990’s and consisted of Jack and Meg White who initially pretended to be siblings, then pretended to be Husband and Wife, then pretended to be musicians (ha ha), then pretended to be Aunt and Uncle, Cousins, Friends, Ordinary People and pretty much everything else in between.

Relationship Status – It’s Complicated

The truth, as far as it’s known, is that they were married (and not related) and divorced but continued as a band. Jack played guitar and sang, Meg played drums and provided backing vocals. They had Top 10 UK hits with Icky Thump, My Doorbell, The Denial Twist, Blue Orchid and Seven Nation Army, the latter now considered one of the great guitar riffs of all time (and standard learning for any young, aspiring guitarist, along with Smoke on the Water etc.)

Red Stripe: not to be confused with an Indie Duo from Detroit.

Tour of Canada

In 2007 the band undertook a tour of Canada, planning to play in all territories and provinces along the way.

Idea for a Tour

Jack White had recently discovered his ancestors were from Scotland, and had travelled to Nova Scotia as whalers (actual whalers, not Bob Marley and the Wailers) in the 1800’s before moving on to Detroit and settling there. This, for Jack White, was the basis for the tour. To go back to his ‘roots’.

They kept away from stadiums and theatres and instead played open air gigs in market squares, they played in a Bowling Alley, they played on a boat, they played for a group of Inuit tribespeople and they also played the infamous One Note Gig.

Idea For Gig

Jack White said of the gig that they’d hit upon the idea of playing in all provinces in Canada and perhaps due to scheduling they could only fit in some brief ‘free’ gigs along the way. One such gig was in St. Johns, Newfoundland.

Jack White

“We were in Newfoundland and the idea that I came up with at breakfast was, ‘Let’s play one note today.’ I told Meg as we were getting out of the car. I said, ‘Make sure you grab your cymbal – when you hit the cymbal, grab it so that the note only lasts a millisecond.”

News that the White Stripes would be performing a “One Note” free show was released during the day and a large audience turned up to witness it. You can view a clip of the gig from the documentary “Under Great White Northern Lights” below.

After the ‘gig’ the band returned to their car and were whisked away whilst the audience chanted “One More Note!” in unison.

I’ll Have a Guinness

“I was thinking that afterwards we could contact the Guinness World Records people and see if we could get the record for shortest concert of all time. So we did it, but ultimately they turned us down.“

Jack White

Salt ‘n’ Pepa

“The thing is, though,” he explained, “the Guinness book is a very elitist organization. There’s nothing scientific about what they do. They just have an office full of people who decide what a record is and what isn’t. Most of the records in there – who has the biggest collection of salt-and-pepper shakers or whatever – are just whatever they want them to be.”

The gig though was added to the record books for a year or two before it was ultimately removed.

“So with something like the shortest concert of all time,” Jack said, “they didn’t think whatever we did was interesting enough to make it a record. I don’t know why they get to decide that, but, you know, they own the book.”

Rebuttal

But Guinness were having none of this and decided to rebuff White’s claims about the nature of their business model, i.e. they were making it up as they went along, and issued a bizarre statement to the NME.

“Subsequent to this appearance we received a large volume of applications from bands and performers seeking to beat this record. The ultimate results of this was individuals claiming that simply appearing onstage was enough to qualify them for this record.

The results were difficult to objectively measure and as such it’s difficult to justify an appearance as a concert by any reasonable definition of the word.

As such, we have been forced to cease listing records for the shortest song, shortest poem and indeed the shortest concert.”

Guinness Book of Records

Conclusion

As far as Guinness are concerned the White Stripes gig didn’t meet their criteria for breaking the World Record. And despite their claims they have ceased listing the record for the “Shortest Concert”, as of March 2024 the record for The Who gig referred to earlier, is still on their site.

Home | Guinness World Records

All in all it’s all very confusing and their doesn’t seem to be any definitive criteria as to what constitutes a record and what doesn’t. And maybe that’s just how Guinness like it.

So in conclusion, perhaps Jack White should stick to making musical records instead (it’s all fun here ha ha).

Thank you for your time.

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Of the more sensible inhabitants of the cold, rainy islands located in the North Western backwater of Europe (often referred to as the UK), most would take the opportunity to holiday in sunnier climes when winter rocks up on the doorstep. Others though, head to the West Country in search of horizontal rain, hail and freezing temperatures. But why, and what does Cornwall in November offer the beleaguered traveller? More than you might imagine.

Excuses Excuses

Apart from the 650 mile round trip, the 45mph winds and inclement weather patterns, what other reason was there for me to visit “Kernow” in the chillier stages of 2023? Well, I have a daughter who lives there, so it seems appropriate to visit once in a while.

The last time we visited, was in May 2023 and at that time the prevailing winds were much more appealing. Literally. But when the weather is good and flights from Stansted to Newquay are £20 return, it would have been remiss of me to not take advantage of such an offer. Sadly though, this offer was temporary, so we had to resort to a more old fashioned system of transportation. Driving.

Mapped Out

But rather than use Google Maps to get there I would have preferred the old school, OS paper map system, because then you can fold it somewhere around Swindon and voila! the border of Cornwall magically appears on the outskirts of Reading, rather than where it seems to reside; out in the distant, mid Atlantic horse latitudes.¹²

Wednesday

Now, because Vikki does this thing where she drives to a building in Witham, stays for the day and they give her money (she calls it work) we were unable to leave until Wednesday lunchtime, so we decided that perhaps an overnight stop en route was in order.

The Mitre

We stayed at a place called The Mitre Inn, in Sanford Orcas, Dorset, which has a quaint charm and was very reasonably priced, especially since we left without paying.

Bonnie & Clyde

How we chuckled when a somewhat agitated owner phoned us later in the day asking us if we had any intention of settling the bill? We said no and hung up.¹³

Thursday

We spent Thursday in nearby Sherborne, which is a very old but pleasing town, which sits on Dorset’s northern border with Somerset.

Ethel Who?

Now, due to a passing interest I hold in the olde worlde, I discovered two Saxon Kings were buried in Sherborne Abbey: King Æthelbald (who wasn’t) and King Æthelberht (who was). I’m going to be slightly disappointed if you’re now not saying to yourselves, “King who?”

Well, Æthelbald died in 860, and it appears he was not averse to a little scandal since he married his stepmother, ran a brothel and invented a reality TV series called Thee Only Waye Is Wessex.¹⁴

Æthelbald was also brother to the slightly more famous Alfred the Great (of Great British Bake Off fame).

Abbey

We had a walk round the Abbey, was given the full history of the building (even though we only asked if they were doing Cream Teas) and continued our ‘pilgrimage’ to the west.

External view of Sherborne Abbey, Norman Vaulted Roof (including Third Reich Eagle in foreground) and view of Sherborne High Street (Cheap St.)

We didn’t get very far because I discovered Sherborne also has a record shop which is so old the owner could remember the 1960’s. It was called Ye Olde Recorde Shoppe and sold wooden records by The Beech Boys (ha ha).

We then discovered Sherborne has an artisan coffee shop too, so I was really warming to the place.

We bought coffee and continued west.

Bean Shot | Your Site for the Best Roasted Coffee Beans

Greensplat

One thing I like about driving to Cornwall (and quite possibly the only thing) are the place names en route. Like Pathfinder Village, or London Apprentice; Greensplat and Merry Meeting; Posha and Polyphant. And yes, they really do exist. Just off the A30.

The Heavens

As we continued on the A30, we noted the weather had been particularly kind to us (for the time of year) until we got to Bodmin, about 15 minutes from our destination. That’s when the dark clouds descended, the heavens opened, and the horizontal rain began.

Friday

Now safely ensconced in Cornwall proper, we spent Friday afternoon at a place called The Pig (really) which is near Padstow. It’s an old manor house, now an upmarket restaurant and hotel, with on-site home grown fruit and veg and home reared animals (so not vegan).

After spending the afternoon shovelling down several, small but perfectly formed plates, we went home, watched The Sinner on Netflix and planned a trip to Mevagissy the next day.

Saturday

Now, Mevagissey often comes out as Megavissey (at least when I say it) so it seemed appropriate to sing the “Binley Mega Chippy” song over and over until people became slightly disturbed by the troubling mantra. Binley Mega Vissey…

@631c

#binleymegachippy making it worldwide 😭

♬ dance(256762) – TimTaj

You sing “Binley Mega Chippy” to the tune of “For he’s a jolly good fellow” and that’s it. However, it doesn’t scan correctly, as there are 8 syllables in the original tune and only 6 in the Binley version, but that just adds to its simplistic charm (apparently).

However, Binley Megavissey, or just Mevagissey does have its own Mega Chippy ironically enough.

Other interesting activities in Mevagissey include the underwater museum (a must for all scuba divers).

The Marine Aquarium where a permanent sign on the door reads “Back In 10 Mins.”

Other attractions are the harbour and the bracing lighthouse walk, where you can transform into a real life ice sculpture on the way.

But it also has a shop called Brocante which, when you go in you have money in your bank account but when you come out, it has mysteriously been transformed into a framed picture (of vinyl records admittedly).

5th Dimension

I’ve been reading this book about 5th dimensional thinking, which is where you connect to your ‘higher-self”, and live without fear or judgement. Now, it suggests that you can ‘ask’ the universe for guidance in times of difficulty or confusion. So, regarding buying the picture I thought I’d give it a go.

So, Vikki gave me a 50 pence piece and I put it out there. I flicked it into the air. Heads I would go with my head i.e. the logical, rational decision e.g. “No.” Tails would be the heart driven, emotional “Yes” decision.¹⁵

It was the most expensive 50p I’ve ever had. So, my bank account is empty but I have a nice picture on the wall as a reminder of my halcyon days of financial stability.

Sunday

We left on Sunday but the 5D imagery was clearly having a profound and powerful effect on me. Because this is what happened.

We drove up the A30, the A303, the M3, M25 (South), through roadworks, the Dartford tunnel, onto the A13 and back to Maldon. And didn’t hit any traffic at any time.

Stonehenge

Not even at Stonehenge. It slowed, but anyone who’s used the A303 at Stonehenge will know that sometimes you’re there so long it feels as if you arrived before Stonehenge even existed.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: multidimensional, higher plane transformation I can accept, but no traffic at the Dartford Tunnel? What utter nonsense!

Cornwall in November – Conclusion

So, that’s my little trip to Cornwall in November. Cold yes, but surprisingly dry. And there are places to go, things to do, stuff to buy, Mega Chippies to eat at (and more refined restaurants) and no traffic on the way home. Perhaps I was the only one foolish enough to think driving to Cornwall in November was a good idea. But get this: it was.

Thank you for your time.

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Wednesday 22nd November 2023 marks the 60th anniversary of the shooting of US President John F. Kennedy (JFK). And unsurprisingly we’re no closer to knowing the truth of what happened that day than we were when it happened. So, why is that?

Conspiring to Conspire

I’m not really a fan of conspiracy theories…until I am. Although I tend to implement the IQ Barometer Routine for determining whether a conspiracy is of sound judgement or, just a little bit whacky. For instance, The Flat Earth Conspiracy Theorists suggest that for centuries those that have knowledge about shapes of planets (NASA, Isaac Newton, Donald Trump etc.) have been lying to us¹⁶ and we actually live on a flat disc, and at the edge of it is a big ice wall (which is not dissimilar to the one dreamed up for Game of Thrones).

But Why?

But when asked why we’re being lied to, i.e. what do the ‘authorities’ have to gain by this misdirection, the Flat Earthers aren’t so specific. Now, using my IQ Barometer Routine, I would ask myself whether a.) the Flat Earthers or b.) the Cosmologists/Planetary Scientists have a greater or lesser intellect than I do. And, whoever has the greater intellect is where the clever money goes.

JFK & The CIA

But it’s different with JFK because the delineation between the two ‘theories’ isn’t so clear, primarily due to money, power, influence and politics being involved. The theories being, was he shot by a lone, crazed gunman (Lee Harvey Oswald), or was it another shady plot constructed by the CIA?

The Magic-Bullet Theory

When I was about 10 or 11, I saw a programme about the JFK Assassination which was quite interesting until someone on the programme began to discuss the “Magic-Bullet Theory”. This is where it appears possible (but only in Dallas on the 22/11/63) for a bullet to strike one person (JFK) , change direction, strike another person (Governor Connally), go here, go there, go up, go down, do the Harlem Shuffle, disappear, then re-appear in pristine condition on a stretcher in a hospital a few days later.

JFK and the Confirmation Bias

But what I couldn’t understand was why this theory was even being entertained as an explanation for the so called “shots-to-wounds” ratio. And I was 11. And here I am, 50 years on, still none the wiser. In the modern world, this kind of thinking is called ‘confirmation bias’, where your beliefs determine your thinking, i.e. if your belief is “the authorities are always truthful”, it follows ergo, that the Magic-Bullet Theory must also be true.

Cognitive Distortion

Which bring us back to the Flat Earth Theory. Because if your belief happens to be “the authorities always lie”, then it follows that the earth must be flat if “they” say it’s round. The problem with this type of cognitive distortion is it doesn’t allow for any grey areas, e.g. that authorities sometimes tell the truth, albeit only when it suits them or when they have no choice.

What’s Going On?

But back to JFK. Most of us know the American President was gunned down in Dealey Plaza in Dallas, Texas at 12.30 on 22nd November 1963.

We also know that a lone gunman, Lee Harvey Oswald was accused of his murder. And that’s when it all gets terribly murky. Because it appears all we really know is JFK was shot dead. And Oswald was arrested for the murder. And that’s it. Everything else is conjecture.

Oswald’s Abilities

Because a.) Oswald wasn’t much of a marksman, b.) he used a cheap, poorly made rifle, c.) his positioning made the shooting virtually impossible to undertake, d.) there were too many shots fired, e.) JFK appeared to be shot from another direction (the Grassy Knoll) and on and on it goes.

The Girl on the Stairs

But there was another reason. A reason the CIA elected not to follow up even though it provided plenty of relevant information about the assassination. And that was the girl on the stairs.

The Other Girl, Not the One the Stairs

The Girl on the Stairs is a book by Barry Ernest, and details the movements of a woman by the name of Victoria Adams. No, not that one. My wife wouldn’t be born for another 10 years and certainly didn’t have a job in the USA either.

Were the Spice Girls involved?

This is another one, who wasn’t in the Spice Girls either, but worked on the 4th Floor of the Texas School Book Depository and watched the Presidential Motorcade as it drove past her window. The shots rang out and she and her work colleagues ran down the stairs and outside to see what had happened.

And this simple act resulted in numerous interviews with the Police, the FBI and the CIA, numerous accusations regarding the veracity of her story. That she left the building and didn’t see anyone.

It’s the Real Thing

Having just shot the President, Oswald was (according to the CIA) able to get to the 2nd floor (where he was seen quietly drinking a Coke), before Vicki Adams and her friend Sandra Styles, although he had been on the 6th Floor and they were two floors below him on the 4th, and he achieved this feat without being seen. So how could this have happened?

When Adams was interviewed by the CIA about her movements, she explained how the shots were fired and then she and her friends ran to the stairs and went outside. To which the next question was, “And who else was on the stairs?” Her reply? “No one. No one else.”¹⁷

Jackanory

Because not seeing anyone didn’t fit with the narrative, because for everything to fit into the story the CIA appeared to be creating, someone else needed to be on the stairs at exactly the same time. And that someone needed to be Lee Harvey Oswald. The police had somehow apprehended him just over an hour after the shooting, and now all they needed to do was place him at the scene of the crime.

The Invisible Man

But according to Victoria Adams, he wasn’t there. And not according to her friends either. But the CIA elected not to interview them even though Adams suggested on a number of occasions that they do so to corroborate her testimony. And the reason she suggested they did, was because they kept telling her she was wrong, that she wasn’t on the stairs when she said she was, that she was mistaken in how long it took her to get there, what time she left the office etc. etc.

Confirmation Bias Again

And here we are again with JFK and the Confirmation Bias. Raised to tell the truth as she understood it, Adams wouldn’t budge from her story. Telling the truth was non-negotiable. So when the CIA put the squeeze on her, suggesting she might have misremembered, that she was confused and plain wrong, she refused to be led. And then reaffirmed what she had already stated to be true, so help her God.

A secret service agent jumped onto the back of the car, after the shooting. This was the moment Adams and Styles left their office window and made their way to the stairs. This is when they realised the fireworks they thought they’d heard, were something else.

Incorrect Details in the Warren Report

However, despite overbearing pressure by the CIA to change her testimony, she signed it off and like the dutiful citizen she was, looked forward to seeing it, in print in the Warren Report. And, there it was, in black and white. Except. Except it wasn’t. Specific details of times were different. Her timings had changed to those the CIA had suggested were correct in the first place. How could that happen, she wondered?

For Oswald to be where the report said he was, he had to be on the stairs at the same time as Adams. So the commission duly changed her timings to retrofit her movements into the overall picture. The conclusion being her evidence had been ‘misremembered’.

Testimony Of Miss Victoria Elizabeth Adams (jfk-assassination.net)

And that was the point her life changed forever. That was the before and after moment. The sliding doors of her life.

Her testimony resulted in cars being parked outside her house overnight, with shadowy figures inside, and hanging about in the street. She was under no illusion that she was the subject of a nefarious surveillance team.

“I lost my starry eyed beliefs in the integrity of our government. And I was scared. I was a young lady alone with no family or friend support network at the time.”

Victoria Adams – February 2002 (The Girl on the Stairs by Barry Ernest)

Vortex

It resulted in her being constantly followed, her mail being intercepted, having to leave her job because she feared for her safety, having to move to another part of the country and living in secrecy for the rest of her life. Because people who were close to the vortex of activity on that fateful day, had an unpleasant habit of dying in unusual circumstances.

And it put into question everything she believed to be right in the world, that authorities didn’t lie and they certainly didn’t tamper with evidence.

“Remember though, I was a very young woman at the time (22 years) and believed in my government.”

Victoria Adams – February 2002 (The Girl on the Stairs by Barry Ernest)

Doctor

Many consider Adams’ doctored evidence to be proof that either Oswald didn’t shoot JFK or others were involved. And what of Oswald? Well, he was incredibly calm at the Police Station for someone who had just changed world history. He can be seen talking to reporters as if he’d just been given a speeding ticket.

Really?

But somehow, Jack Ruby, a known gangster, was able to ‘infiltrate’ the Police Station the next day and shoot Oswald before he could tell anyone what really happened. How inconvenient.

Oswald died, so did Ruby some time after and Victoria Adams went into hiding. When author Barry Ernest tracked her down in 2002, she said she was pleased she could finally tell her side of the story. She died in 2007.

So, it leaves us with just a few questions. Like, who lied? And why? And what really is the truth? None of these questions is expected to be answered any time soon.

Thank you for your time.

Back to Blogs

Yes, they were. After all, (and to paraphrase Ron Nasty of The Rutles) “How many No. 1’s has Jesus had?”²⁵

The Midas Touch

In 1966, The Beatles could do no wrong. They had conquered the world at a canter. Everything they touched turned to gold. Especially their records. Until John Lennon opened his big gob. In all fairness when he did, it was to an Evening Standard reporter who was a friend of the band (and so perhaps he spoke with a little less caution). But what he said would have ramifications for The Beatles until they eventually split in 1970.

This is what happened.

Breakdown

In a previous post I alluded to a statement made by Lennon in 1966 that the Beatles were “Bigger Than Jesus.”

But what did he say exactly, why did he say it and why did the USA go into full on meltdown because of it?

Well, to start with Lennon wasn’t a particularly religious person; no more nor less than any other average young man in 60’s Britain.

Admittedly it was St. Peter’s Church in Woolton that provided a religious backdrop for the most important meeting of his life, when he met Paul McCartney in July 1957 but, church halls aside, Lennon’s circumspect attitude to religion was fairly nascent in that it didn’t ordinarily figure that much in his thinking.

Time Off

In late 65, The Beatles were treated to some rare downtime, since a film project they were booked to star in, fell through at the last minute. Around this time Lennon had begun to read up on religion and perhaps it is this that led him to his conclusion regarding The Beatles and Christianity.

Lennon wasn’t raised in a household where love, happiness and positive religious attitudes abounded. He has said as much himself. And, perhaps as a direct result of this, he became a truculent, subversive, controversial character who felt compelled to court attention, be it negative or otherwise. Usually this was achieved through either his acerbic wit or his harsh, abrasive and critical attitude.

His father left home when John was four, and his mother Julia, found she couldn’t cope with looking after him and his sisters, so John went to live with his aunt. The fearsome Aunt Mimi.

And the more Mimi restricted his need for attention, the more he rebelled.

“The worst pain is of not being wanted, of realising your parents do not need you in the way you need them. I was never really wanted.”

John Lennon (1971)²⁶

Beatlemania

By the end of 1964, The Beatles had been catapulted from total obscurity (other than the Cavern dwellers on Mathew St. Liverpool), into full-on Beatlemania.

5-4-3-2-1

They’d successfully toured the USA (unheard of by a British band), they’d had several US No.1 albums (also unheard of), they’d had numerous US No.1 singles (equally unheard of) and at one point even held the Top 5 positions in the US Billboard Hot 100 Chart (surprisingly unusual too). And just for good measure, they also had another seven singles in the Top 100 chart that week too.

Then, in early ’66 Lennon, the other Beatles and manager Brian Epstein, did a series of interviews with Maureen Cleave, a friend and journalist for the London Evening Standard.

In something of a light-hearted boast Lennon suggested that The Beatles were bigger than Jesus (he was probably right). He said later that he could’ve mentioned anything popular (such as TV), but he just happened to mention Jesus, as if it had just popped into his head.

“Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn’t argue about that; I know I’m right and I will be proved right. We’re more popular than Jesus now. I don’t know which will go first – rock & roll or Christianity. Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It’s them twisting it that ruins it for me.”

John Lennon – March 1966

Jesus and The Beatles

I feel sure Lennon said a lot of things that just ‘popped’ into his head but the Jesus one? I imagine by 1966, he knew exactly how to court controversy and also that his words would be repeated and analysed, over and over by a frenzied media that lapped up and dissected everything he said and did, so a sly dig at religion would definitely create the desired response.

But it didn’t. Not in England anyway.

In Britain, it never got a mention and disappeared into obscurity as quickly as it had arrived. But across the pond it was a different matter. Although it took five months for the US to catch up, when they did, they were ready and they were keen to make up for lost time.

Matching Collar and Cuffs

And Lennon soon discovered his ‘off-the-cuff’ remarks weren’t treated with the same frivolous disdain in the US as they were at home. Over there, people took him seriously and they didn’t care about context either.

Datebook

The interview was printed in full in a publication called Datebook and…nothing happened. Until it was sent to a Radio DJ in the Deep South Bible Belt, who was “outraged”. Or perhaps sought to make a name for himself on the back of his faux-flavoured piety. Either way, he wanted everyone else to be outraged too.

Tommy Charles of WAQY Radio (wacky) decided enough was enough and began a series of broadcasts designed to inflame the delicate balance between religion and anger.

Charles wanted to teach The Beatles a lesson, even though his own arguments were poorly constructed and as a result he appeared to contradict himself over his opinions on The Beatles and more importantly, on John Lennon.

In addition to this, Datebook, the magazine that printed the article, didn’t come in for any anti-religious scrutiny for running it, and Charles agreed that everyone was entitled to have their own opinion…even Lennon.

Bizarre

At one point he states The Beatles have never been challenged about their remarks “where it might count”. And that “you never know whether Lennon is telling the truth or not” as his answers are “so bizarre”. But of course if Charles really felt their interviews were merely flippant, immature nonsense, why was he so angered by them?

Clearly there was more to his anger than he was willing to admit. In his interview he appears envious of the fact that anything The Beatles said was treated like a missive direct from the heavens above, whereas he wasn’t afforded the same luxury. This disagreement then, was about something more than an offhand reference to God.

Jesus 1 – The Beatles 1

Jesus had provided him with a golden opportunity to even the score. And if you believed in the unquestionable sanctity of the Lord then here he was providing for the faithful, as he always did. And Charles took full advantage.

Funeral Pyre

First he banned all Beatles records from the airwaves and then requested all Beatles fans bring their Beatles records and memorabilia to the radio station where they would organise a large bonfire to burn it all. Other “Christian” Radio stations followed suit and before long other towns and cities were getting in on the act.

When Lennon was asked for his opinion on the statement DJ Tommy Charles wouldn’t lift the ban on playing their records until he had “grown up a little”, his withering response was typical of his attitude at the time.

“Well, I don’t mind if he never plays them again.”

John Lennon

If he gave the impression he couldn’t really care less about the row, he was soon to discover it wouldn’t last.

Sunday Schools organised bonfires and children brought in their Beatles toys and records and burned them.

It seemed the basic principles of Christianity: forgiveness, compassion, love and redemption, were suddenly in short supply in The Bible Belt as marches, demonstrations, protests and bonfires took place across the Mid-West. Then the Ku-Klux-Klan got involved and the death threats began.

Furore

Initially The Beatles were unconcerned by the furore.

“We just thought, ‘Yes, well, you can see what it is. It’s hysterical low-grade American thinking.’” They were quick to point out that one had to purchase their albums in order to burn them. “No sweat off us, mate. Burn ’em if you like. It’s not compulsory to play ’em. So we took a balanced view of it.”

Paul McCartney

George Harrison had his own take on religion.

“If Christianity is half as good as they say it is, it should be able to stand up to a little scrutiny.”

George Harrison

It wasn’t and it didn’t.

Then the burning of effigies began and the protests intensified.

All this would’ve been ok except The Beatles were about to start a US tour, which included the southern states and their manager Brian Epstein was unable to cancel it due to the enormous cost of doing so. The tour, it was decided would go ahead, and to diffuse the growing anti-Beatles vitriol, John would have to make a very public, grovelling apology.

If you’ve ever seen The Rutles parody of The Beatles, “All You Need Is Cash”, you may remember that Ron Nasty (Lennon) was misquoted by a deaf journalist and actually said The Rutles were bigger than Rod (Stewart) who wouldn’t have a hit single for another eight years.

Lennon unfortunately couldn’t use the deaf journalist routine and so had to make his own obsequious TV apology.

Elvis

Eleven years later almost to the day, Lennon was asked about his reaction to the news Elvis Presley had died, and he said, “Elvis died the day he went into the Army. That’s when they killed him.”

And watching Lennon, being forced to make his demeaning apology, it appeared much the same was happening to him. A piece of him was dying. Because the only weapons he ever had were his words and his thoughts. And now they were being taken away from him.

Apology

John made the apology, begrudgingly it appears and the tour went ahead. But the US and The Beatles never had quite the same appeal for each other again.

Cherry Bomb

On the 19th August 1966, at an afternoon show in Memphis, where there was an all pervading sense of tension, a teen with a poor sense of humour but a great sense of theatre, chucked a cherry bomb firecracker at the stage, ironically during the song “If I Needed Someone”.

The Beatles, hearing what they thought was a gunshot, stopped, looked at each other, realised no one had been hit and continued the show.

One night on a show in the South somewhere somebody let off a firecracker while we were on stage. There had been threats to shoot us, the Klan were burning Beatle records outside and a lot of the crew-cut kids were joining in with them. Somebody let off a firecracker and every one of us – I think it’s on film – look at each other, because each thought it was the other that had been shot. It was that bad.

John Lennon, 1974²⁷

Candlestick

Ten days later, they played their last ever tour gig (29th August 1966) at Candlestick Park in a cool, foggy San Francisco, where The Beatles decided to take photos of themselves on stage.

At the end of the gig, the band were unceremoniously dumped in the back of a meat waggon to escape the hoards of fans.

It had no seats, and nothing to hold on to, so every time the van went round a corner, the four of them would be thrown across the vehicle.

When they got out, battered and bruised they looked at each other and shrugged. They didn’t have to say anything, they were all asking the same question. Why are we doing this?

And so their touring days came to an abrupt end. Lennon left the religious quotes behind and focussed on messages of Love and Peace, as can be seen in many of his later song lyrics.

Escape!

In 1968 in an interview about the start up of Apple Corps, Larry Kane (the reporter who covered The Beatles first American Tour in 1964), asked them what was the highlight of their career in the US, to which Lennon sardonically replied, “Escaping from Memphis!”

“At the end it became quite complicated. But at the beginning it was really very simple.”

Paul McCartney²⁸

But were The Beatles bigger than Jesus and does it really matter? Well no it doesn’t. All I know is The Beatles did once exist. The jury is still out on the existence of God.

December 1980

Ironically Lennon grew to love America once again and lived in New York until his untimely death at the hands of the disturbed Mark Chapman on the 8th December 1980. Lennon was 40 years old.

“And so this is Christmas, and what have we done?”

Thank you for your time.

Back to blogs page…Lees Blogs

On the 5th October 1962, The Beatles released their first single Love Me Do, on Parlophone Records. Wednesday 5th October 2022 was the 60th anniversary of that release.

What better way to celebrate that anniversary, than to have a party and take a brief look back at how a 50’s skiffle group called The Quarrymen became The Fab Four.

Easy Listening Isn’t Easy

I first discovered The Beatles in 1964 when my dad bought the album “A Hard Day’s Night” which was something of a ‘departure’ for him, since he was all Glenn Miller, Classical and Easy Listening.²⁹

Ever since then I’ve wondered about the Beatles stories I’d heard from that mythical place in the North: Liverpool. So, a few months ago when Vikki was asking what I wanted to do for my birthday I suggested a Beatles Tour of Liverpool. I don’t think a tour of a historical northern port was necessarily at the top of her agenda but we went away.

International Rescue

Then we discovered my birthday coincided with International Beatles Week. It was like the ghost of John Lennon was beckoning me to visit his ancestral home. I didn’t visit his home exactly, but I did visit a lot of other places.

Magical

After visiting the Beatles Story Museum (concessions for over 60’s!), we hopped straight on the Magical Mystery Tour (step right this way), a coach tour that looks remarkably like the one in the film. The thing about the tour was although it stopped at lots of places like Penny Lane and Strawberry Fields (Forever), it didn’t stop at the place; the place where it all started. No, not Brookside Close. Woolton Village Church Hall.

St. Peter’s Church Hall, Woolton has obvious religious connections, but it’s also a veritable shrine to the Gods of Rock ‘n’ Roll. It is no other than the birthplace of The Beatles. This for me is like going to Jerusalem to visit the birthplace of Jesus and as we all know, The Beatles were bigger than Jesus, once upon a time anyway.³⁰

Leafy Avenues

So, one morning we took a drive over to Woolton, through the leafy, middle-classed suburbs of an area of Liverpool I didn’t know existed. And there, in the church hall we bumped into a man by the name of Colin Hanton, who in the 1950’s was the drummer in a band called The Quarrymen. And the leader of The Quarrymen then, was a sixteen-year-old scally by the name of John Lennon.

The Quarrymen were a skiffle group, skiffle being a form of DIY band where, if you couldn’t afford proper instruments, you made your own. Many followed in the footsteps of the legendary Lonnie Donegan after his cover of the song Rock Island Line hit the UK charts in ’56.

R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.

Lots of kids were enthralled by the rock ‘n’ roll scene in the USA, and they loved Elvis, Bill Hailey (and his Comets) and Little Richard but they couldn’t afford guitars and amps, so skiffle was the next best thing. With skiffle, it was acceptable to use a washboard as a percussive instrument, to make a bass from a wooden tea chest, broom handle and a length of string, or to strum cheap, acoustic guitars or a banjo.

John & Skiffle

John Lennon started his musical career by borrowing a guitar from a friend at school called Geoff Lee who had given up learning how to play it. “John, since you like playing the guitar,” he said one day, “you should start a skiffle band.” And in doing so, he unsuspectingly kicked off a chain of events that meant music would never be quite the same ever again.

So, Lennon coerced a few schoolfriends from Quarry Bank High School, into joining the band. Pete Shotton on washboard, Eric Griffiths on guitar, Len Garry on Tea Chest Bass and then later, Colin Hanton (who didn’t go to Quarry Bank) on Drums.

Rumble in Rosebery Street

One of their early bass players, Nigel Whalley, had been drafted back in as manager and he’d secured them a gig in Rosebery Street , where he lived. They played their first proper ‘gig’ there in June ’57 and the gig is fondly remembered by many for ending somewhat abruptly, as some lads in the crowd were planning to ‘do the singer in’ (Lennon). The band weren’t from that part of Liverpool, and someone had seen Lennon chatting to some local girls before the gig. So that was reason enough.

Once word got around that the band were going to get a thumping, they finished the next song, grabbed their gear (which didn’t amount to much) and hightailed it down the street to Nigel’s house where they barricaded themselves in the back room. A crowd gathered, banging on the windows and shouting for them to come out. They didn’t. They called the Police who sent a constable round to escort them to the bus stop.

Village Fete

But soon things would change forever for the fledgling Quarrymen. They were offered a gig at St Peter’s Church Fete, Woolton, on Saturday 7th July 1957. They played a set on the field at the back of the hall in the afternoon and were scheduled to play again in the evening in the hall, on the stage.

And while the lads kicked back and relaxed between sets, another old bass player Ivan “Jive with Ive” Vaughan turned up with a friend in tow. “This is a friend of mine who plays guitar,” he said. “His name’s Paul. Paul McCartney.”

Eddie Cochran Audition

They chatted and John asked what sort of music Paul liked. He mentioned Elvis, Bill Hailey, Little Richard. In other words, everything John liked. Then he mentioned Eddie Cochran’s Twenty Flight Rock.

John asked Paul if he could play it. Legend has it, he picked up a guitar, flipped it upside down (as he was left-handed), tuned it up (which was impressive enough on its own) and then proceeded with a flawless rendition of the Cochran classic. Lennon was impressed because McCartney knew all the words and didn’t have to make up his own (as Lennon often did).

Then he played Little Richard’s Long Tall Sally on the piano. The Quarrymen were blown away by this young upstart’s virtuosity and decided he had to join the band.

I’m Just The Drummer

It was another week, at the next rehearsal before McCartney was mentioned again. Ivan Vaughan was there and when he discovered they hadn’t asked McCartney to join, he hit the roof. “He’ll just join another band and make them better instead of this one,” he reasoned. John asked Colin for his thoughts about Paul joining. “I’m happy John,” said Colin. “But it’s your band and I’m only the drummer.”

Power Struggle

Colin thought John was struggling with a dilemma over Paul; because he was the leader and because Paul was very good, he knew he would have to relinquish some of his control of the band to McCartney. However, he needed Paul in the band to improve The Quarrymen, and to thus realise his dream of being a successful musician.

They decided to offer Paul a place in the band. But it was still another week before they did.

Pete Shotton saw McCartney cycling down the street and stopped him and invited him to join. Paul thanked him and said he’d let them know. He sounded casual. In reality Paul was fearful of joining because to him The Quarrymen were “seasoned professionals” whereas he’d only ever played guitar in his bedroom.

First Gig Nerves

But he joined and in October ’57 played his debut gig. He fancied his chances as lead guitarist but was struck with stage fright and his fingers wouldn’t work the fretboard (we’ve all been there – well I have).

“For my first gig, I was given a guitar solo on ‘Guitar Boogie’. I could play it easily in rehearsal so they elected that I should do it as my solo. Things were going fine, but when the moment came in the performance I got sticky fingers; I thought, ‘What am I doing here?’ I was just too frightened; it was too big a moment with everyone looking at the guitar player. I couldn’t do it. That’s why George was brought in.”

Paul McCartney

Paul suddenly decided lead guitar might be beyond him but…

I Know This Other Guy

But he knew someone who could play lead guitar. He was a guy at school who he used to see on the bus from Penny Lane. His name was George Harrison. So, George got to audition for The Quarrymen, on a bus on the way home from a Quarrymen gig.

Recording

Next stop for The Quarrymen (now boasting the soon-to-be stellar line-up of John Lennon, Paul McCartney and George Harrison) was to record the rarest record ever made. The McCartney/Harrison song entitled In Spite of All the Danger cost the band 17s 6d to record.

The one original copy of the recording is owned by Paul McCartney. In 2022, Record Collector estimated its value at £200,000. It disappeared for many years and was almost turned into a plant pot before someone noticed the names McCartney/Harrison written on the label!

Tragedy

But the exuberance of recording was shockingly curtailed when, three days later John’s mother Julia died in a car accident. The band took a back seat for a while and perhaps never fully recovered.

The Fab Four…Sort Of

Colin Hanton could feel the tide was turning and soon he realised he didn’t fit in with the band anymore. He was older, he had a steady job and a steady girlfriend. His outlook and priorities were different. They were a four-piece now, John, Paul, George and…Colin (it would never have worked would it), they were younger than he, high-spirited and suddenly the other three seemed a lot closer. Colin was on the outside, looking in.

After an argument where the three future Beatles had a bit too much to drink at a gig in January 1959, Colin stormed off and stopped going to rehearsals. The other three never apologised or went to see him to ask him to come back, so he never did.

The Casbah

The other three continued gigging (without drums) until they were offered a residency in Hamburg. They’d been playing at a small coffee club in Liverpool called The Casbah, and the owner Mona Best suggested her son Pete join. He became their drummer and stayed all the way up until they recorded Love Me Do at Abbey Road in June 1962.

Love Me Do

EMI Producer George Martin wasn’t overly impressed with his timekeeping (during the songs, not whether he arrived promptly) and so suggested they record Love Me Do again at a later date. They did but by now Ringo Starr (Ringo because he wore lots of rings) had replaced Pete.

However, George Martin wasn’t overly impressed with Ringo either. Ringo said of Martin, “He didn’t rate me because I couldn’t do a drum roll. He was right. I still can’t.”

Session Drummer

The band came back for a third time to record the song, but this time George Martin had recruited session drummer Andy White to play drums. Ringo turned up with the band to discover someone sitting in his seat. Literally.

George Martin said of the session, “Andy White was the best and most expensive session drummer in London. There was no way I wasn’t going to use him, so I had to relegate Ringo to Tambourine and Maracas. He never let me forget it.”

One Song, Three Drummers

So, there are three versions of Love Me Do, with three different drummers.

Version 1, from June 1962 with Pete Best on drums can be found on The Beatles – Anthology 1 album.

Version 2, from September 1962 with Ringo Starr on drums can be found on the 45 rpm single.

Version 3, also from September 1962 with Andy White on drums can be found on The Beatles – Please, Please Me album.

It wasn’t just Ringo and Pete Best who felt the pressure of recording though. Paul struggled too.

“George Martin said, “Wait a minute, there’s a crossover there (between vocal and harmonica). Someone else has got to sing ‘love me do’ because you’re going to have a song called Love Me Waahhh. So, Paul, will you sing ‘love me do’? God, I got the screaming heebie-jeebies. … I can still hear the shake in my voice when I listen to it.”

Paul McCartney

So, what happened to Colin Hanton? Well, he still lives in Liverpool, he has written a book about his time in The Quarrymen, called Pre-Fab! Look out for the film release too.

Watch the film trailer here – PRE FAB! – Movie

In between that he tours the globe with The Quarrymen and does the occasional book signing which is where I bumped into him.

And whatever happened to The Beatles then? Well, they went on their own Magical Mystery Tour, and some of them haven’t got off it yet.

Thank you for your time.

Back to blogs – Lees Blogosphere (theleeadamsblog.com)

I can’t say I’ve seen many positive changes in and around Harlow since the Pressure Stops were active in the late 70’s, but perhaps I should leave you to draw your own conclusions.

(Click here to go to previous blogs)

OLD HAUNTS

So, you’ve made it to the end (which is more than I can say for Roy). It’s been a long time in the making and a long time coming. But we’re finally here. Thank you for taking the time to make the journey.

The Past Is In The Past For A Reason

Whilst putting these blogs together, I took the time to revisit some of the places we used to rehearse and play at. I wished I hadn’t. There’s nothing like having your past murdered by an incompetent council to take the wind out of your sails. This is what I found.

The Hare

As you will know (if you have been paying attention) it all started in September 1978, some 44 years ago at The Hare public house.

It was here in this beer garden that Roy and I bumped into each other, and we first discussed the possibility of starting a band, which would later become The Pressure Stops. It’s not quite on the same level as say, John Lennon & Paul McCartney meeting at the Woolton Parish Church Garden Fȇte in 1957, but it’s certainly more rock ‘n’ roll.

The Hare is still in the middle of Hare Street Springs where it has been for some time. Ironically it hasn’t been flogged off to developers for ill-gotten gains. The Hare is where I first met Steve Coulson in 1978. Neither of us are happy about that.

The Garage at 28 The Downs

The rest of the garages at the back of The Downs are gone. This one remains though, because my dad built his own, at the end of the garden. At some point since, the council came round, flogged off the garages to developers but this one wasn’t council owned.

Here it represents a shrine to the Gods of Rock, as the birthplace of the Pressure Stops. Well, ok that’s a little bit pompous but it was the place where the Mk I version first rehearsed in 1978. Until the neighbours complained. The garages, the fields and the woods are all but gone. Nowadays they’re called Green Hills and Green Park. Unsurprisingly, there’s not a green hill or a green park in sight.

This is what Green Hills looked like before the garages and houses were built.

This is my dad and grandad in the garden of 28 The Downs in 1963. They’re sitting in the exact place the garage (above) was built about 10 years later. They’re probably discussing the pros and cons of whether or not it’s acceptable to receive stolen goods from the Kray Twins.³¹. The houses in the distance are Broadfields, near to Netteswell School.

The Pepperpot

The Pepperpot was in the grounds of Netteswell School and because it was round it had terrible acoustics. Perfect for us then.

Lower Meadow

Lower Meadow Playbarn location hasn’t changed but it does now have swings. This was the scene of the 1979 Commonside Festival. I have no idea if there was a 1980 Commonside Festival but if there was, we weren’t invited to play.

I was unable to take a picture of where the bands physically played in 1979, because it’s a playground and children were playing there (apparently if you even glance at a child these days it’s considered concrete evidence you’re a paedo, and you end up being chased down the street by pike-wielding vigilantes).

Magdalen Laver

Magdalen Laver is an unspoilt wonder of large houses, large fields and a small population. Geographically, it sits on the right side of the M11 to Harlow i.e. the other side.

The Square/Square One

Benny’s Nightclub

Parndon Mill

So, much has changed and not necessarily for the better. Some places, like The Mill and Magdalen Laver have been unaffected by the icy tendrils of Harlow Council. It’s not difficult to understand why.

PRESSURE STOPS LINEUPS

MK I – 1978 – 1979

• Lee Adams – Gtr
• Steve Coulson – Vox
• Roy Phillips – Gtr
• Clive Richardson – Drums
• Steve Byrne – Bass

MK II – 1979 – 1981

• Lee – Gtr
• Steve C – Vox
• Roy – Bass
• Clive – Drums

MK III – 1981

• Lee – Gtr
• Steve C – Vox
• Roy – Bass
• Clive – Drums
• Robbie Tucker – Gtr

MK IV – 1981

• Lee – Gtr
• Steve C – Vox
• Clive – Drums
• Robbie – Gtr
• Mick Richards – Bass

MK V – 1981

• Lee – Gtr/Vox
• Clive – Drums
• Robbie – Gtr
• A Bassist

MK VI – 1981

• Lee – Gtr/Vox
• Robbie – Gtr
• An Other Bassist
• A Drummer

MK VII – 1981

• Lee – Gtr
• Robbie – Gtr

MK VIII – 2004

• Lee – Gtr
• Robbie – Gtr
• Roy – Bass
• Steve C. – Vox
• Niall Kennedy (Kelloggs) – Drums

MK IX – 2014 – 2019

• Lee – Gtr
• Roy – Bass
• Steve C. – Vox
• John McGinn – Drums

SONGOGRAPHY

This is a list of songs we either wrote, started to write, rehearsed, played live or covered, including songwriter or original artist, plus song completion dates where appropriate.

1. People On The Side (Roy – Sep 78)
2. Control (Steve, Roy, Lee – Sep 78 – June 79)
3. Lover Next Door (Lee – Aug 78 – Jan 79)
4. Crash Wanderer (Lee – Oct 78 – Jan 79)
5. Security Clothes (Lee – Apr 79)
6. Eighteen (Lee – Jan 79 – Apr 79)
7. Pressure (Stöps)? (Lee – Apr 79)
8. Empty Words (Lee – Jun 79)
9. Shirts (Lee, Steve, Clive – Nov 78 – Oct 79)
10. Communication Breakdown (Lee, Steve, Roy – Nov 79)
11. Instrumental #1 (Lee – Apr 80)
12. Party Snog/Song (Lee, Steve – Apr 80)
13. A Day In The Life (Of A Single Man) (Lee, Steve – Nov 80)
14. Bedsitter (Lee, Steve – Mar 81)
15. Princes & Pirates (Lee, Steve – Oct 80 – Mar 81)
16. Bricks (Lee, Steve, Roy – Oct 80)
17. Blue Rifles (Lee – Oct 80)
18. Await In Vain (Lee – Nov 80)
19. Poor Man (Lee, Steve – Apr 81)
20. Nothing From Nothing (Lee – Oct 80)
21. The Mackintosh Man (Lee – Oct 80)
22. When I Grow Up (Lee, Steve – Oct 80)
23. Record Requests (Roy)
24. Rich Weekend (Lee, Steve, Roy)
25. Young Intellectuals (Lee, Steve)
26. So I Know (Lee)
27. Success Story (Roy)
28. No Friends Of Mine (Lee – Sep 81)
29. The Road Of Life (Lee, Steve – Oct 04)
30. Reggae Is My Soul (Lee, Steve – Oct 04)
31. The Twist (Chubby Checker)
32. Breakdown (Buzzcocks)

GIGOGRAPHY

All gigs are in Harlow except where stated

1. Saturday 18th August 1979 – Commonside Festival – Lower Meadow Playbarn – Rabbits, Howard Like, Receivers
2. Saturday 3rd November 1979 – Futuristic Party – Magdalen Laver Village Hall, Magdalen Laver
3. Wednesday 19th December 1979 – Party for Children of 1 Parent Families – Harlow Technical College – No Warning
4. Wednesday 20th February 1980 – Square One – No Warning
5. Wednesday 27th February 1980 – The Triad, Bishops’ Stortford – No Warning
6. Wednesday 30th April 1980 – Square One – Pre-Set
7. Wednesday 7th May 1980 – Pop Group Talent Competition – Tye Green Community Centre – Tequila, Dutch Courage
8. Saturday 26th July 1980 – The Katherines Festival – Katherines Field
9. Saturday 26th July 1980 – Paul Weeks 21st Birthday – A Garden in Nazeing – The Rabbits
10. Monday 22nd September 1980 – Brays Grove Youth Club – Spelling Missteaks
11. Sunday 28th September 1980 – Airplay Promotional Party – Benny’s Nightclub – Spelling Missteaks
12. Monday 15th December 1980 – Benny’s Nightclub – Pre-Set
13. Thursday 15th January 1981 – Square One
14. Saturday 7th February 1981 – Square One – Spelling Missteaks, Pete The Meat & The Boys
15. Sunday 15th March 1981 – Rag & Bone Night – Railway Hotel, Bishops’ Stortford – The Firm, Easy Action, Roger & Dec
16. Saturday 21st March 1981 – Square One – The Picture, Unit One
17. Friday 27th March 1981 – Rendezvous Club, Epping – Unit One
18. Tuesday 7th April 1981 – Louella’s Nightclub – Pre-Set, The Milton Bros
19. Friday 10th April 1981 – Stratford Youth Centre, London – The Rabbits
20. Saturday 9th May 1981 – Young Socialists Disco, Square One
21. Sunday 16th August 1981 – Benny’s Nightclub – Easy Action, The Firm
22. Saturday 6th November 2004 – The Square – Easy Action, The Gangsters, The Rabbits, The Sods, Newtown Neurotics
23. Saturday 9th August 2014 – Little Channels Golf Club, Chelmsford
24. Saturday 22nd June 2019 – Dumptilow Farm, Huntingdon

TIMELINE

1960 – Pressure Stops members born

1965 – Lee meets Robbie, Bernie & Clive at Broadfields County Infants School

1970 – Lee meets Roy in the playground of Broadfields County Junior School

1971 – Lee gets a guitar

1971 – Lee realises he can’t play the guitar

1975 – Roy buys a guitar

1976 – Roy meets Steve at work

1978 – Lee buys an Electric Guitar

1978 – Lee coerces Clive into buying a set of drums.

1978 – Lee & Clive practice in the garage

1978 – Lee & Clive meet Roy and Steve

1978 – All four start rehearsing

1978 – Lee invites Bernie to join

1979 – Lee invites Bernie to leave

1979 – Roy moves to Bass

1979 – 1^st Gig – The Commonside Festival

1980 – Release Crash Wanderer on Airplay Records

1980 – John Peel plays record on Radio 1

1981 – Robbie joins on Guitar

1981 – Release Bedsitter EP on Airplay

1981 – Roy leaves

1981 – Mick Richards joins on Bass for one gig

1981 – Steve leaves

1981 – Clive leaves

1981 – Lee & Robbie find a new bass player and drummer

1981 – Lee & Robbie lose a bass player and drummer

1981 – Lee & Robbie decide to call a brief hiatus to the band

2004 – Reform for Stortbeat Collective Gig at The Square 23 years later

2014 – Reform for Lee & Vikki’s Wedding

2019 – Reform for Roy & Jane’s Wedding

2019 – Lee starts to write a potted history of The Pressure Stops

2020 – A pandemic gets in the way

2021 – Interviews other members of the band

2022 – Uploads history to website in the form of multiple blogs.

2022 – Nothing happens.

Other Artwork, Press Clippings & Flyers

Pressure Stops Press

Other Bands Flyers & Tickets

In Books And Online

There are a few places you can find The Pressure Stops in print and online these days, but only if you know where to look. Here are some:-

Harlow Bands Stortbeat (electricsalad.co.uk)

This has a lot of information about Harlow Bands

Harlow Bands TH (electricsalad.co.uk)

Here is a brief write up of the band, which is significant as both Clive and Roy are listed as drummers.

Discogs

Discogs is a site where you can buy Vinyl, Cassettes, CD’s etc. including Pressure Stops merch.

Rare Record Collector

An annual book detailing collectable records. Average Price for the Crash Wanderer single? £12. Yes I know: “collectable” and “Pressure Stops” in the same sentence…

LYRICS

Here is a selection of Pressure Stops lyrics. I had to make a guess at a few lines because not all the original lyrics exist anymore and none of us can remember how they went.

Control

My friend has been known to smoke
He has been known to break the law
One day we all live in hope that
He won't have to lie no more

Why should he have to do it in shame
It doesn't hurt anybody else
People always spoil our games
They treat us like little girls

Too few people got too much control
Control over what too many people do
Too few people got too much control
Control over people like you!

We all like to have new fashions
We don't want to look the same
But it's the people with the hats on
They control all of the games

If they don't like it you cannot get it
In none of your favourite shops yeah
One day I will learn to fight it
Then I'll be on top

Too few people...

People always pushing you round
Trying to tell you what you should do
Why don't you just turn around
And tell them what they should do?

Could it be with all this pushing and shoving
And trying to make you think that their lies are true
They have had control for too long yeah
Control over people like you

Too few people...

People On The Side

People on the side looking at me
Going round the track to victory
I must push on it's in the stars
We wear business suits instead of racing cars

I'm a motor racing, power chasing
And one of these days I'm gonna catch you
I'm a motor racing, power chasing
And when I do you're gonna be through

Suffer in silence I musn't crash
I'm just waiting for the other guy to crack
The time is right I'm almost there 
The other guys closing but I don't care

I'm a motor racing...

Here comes everybody waiting for the call
Coz it's too late now I want more
First here for the toast
Cause I was first past the winning post

I'm a motor racing...

I'm pushing thirty now I'm at the top
Try to keep ahead cause the others won't stop
My wife has left me he was a yob
But I'm still happy cause I've got a job

I'm a motor racing...

Lover Next Door

I’ve been wandering alone, 
Since we had that fight.
You turned me right around you,
Then you turned out our light.

Now I don’t even see you,
At the supermarket.
And now there’s someone with me,
But I don’t really like her.

Ooh ooh she’s just the lover next door,
Ooh ooh can’t it be like before?

The wheels they turn me,
Round and round and round it.
I don’t know where is when,
I don’t know who found it.

Ooh ooh, she’s just...

I try to move forward,
But you abandon-ed me.
I think I’ve lost touch,
And I can never be free.

Ooh ooh, she’s just...

(SPOKEN)	
Yeah, you know what it’s like with those girls next door.  Playing at relationships and breaking up to go out with the gorilla down the street.  They think they’re so cool and gentrified but most of ‘em don’t even know what day it is.  Most of ‘em don’t know they’re born!  Yeah!

Ooh ooh, she’s just...

So, listen to this song,
And you’ll know how I feel.
Just wrap your arms around me,
And move in for the kill.

Ooh ooh, she’s just...


She’s a lover next door yes, you know what that’s for,
I’m thinking it every day.
She’s my lover next door, you know what it’s for,
She’s shows me in every way.

Security Clothes

Don’t ever think you can feel secure,
Unless you’re burrowed well into the crowd,
Because they’ll do their best to guard you,
Away from the loud.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,
Unless the crowd says it’s okay,
Because you can’t be different,
You got to do it all their way.

And that’s the way it is,
Don’t ever try to change it.
Nobody wants to go to school today,
But you got to go to make it!

If the crowd says leave your job,
Because they made up their mind about pay,
Just get out with the other guys,
And don’t go on holiday.

Unless it’s somewhere like La Palma, Florida or Majorca.
Because that’s where the sunshine stays,
And that’s where you pick up the rays,
Don’t ever go to the Lake District,
Where it’s cold and grey and it makes you sick!

And that’s the way it is...

So if Sassoon says, “That’s the cut!”
The crowd will say, “That’s what we got!”
And if Westwood says, “That’s what you wear!” 
Because it goes with the colour of your pin-style hair,
Then you go – and you get it – TODAY!

Crash Wanderer

Sitting in my cockpit leading the pack
From my office in the air I make my attack
We're riding high but there's ice on the wings
Control panel flickers and pulls the loaded strings

I'm a crash wanderer (I'm a gonna crash)

We're North-West of Vancouver where ice and snow
Stretch into the shadows beyond the unknown
The mangled wreck of my solo flight
Leaves me here to survive the rest of the night

I'm a crash wanderer...

When you're beneath the stars, in the midnight hours
Don't reach out for us, cause you know we won't be there
If you think it's so easy, why don't you just ring?

I'm a crash wanderer...

Fumble on the ice and this is what I get
Forget everything I'm doing like everyone I've met
This world is so unreal I've never known it so
Grab anything you can before it's time to go

I'm a crash wanderer...

Shirts

Never used to bother much about the things that I wore
People used to laugh and say I was a bore
But I got wise and bought me some new gear
Now they turn their heads around cause I'm the man of the year

Do you wear nice shirts? (course we wear nice shirts)
Do you wear nice shirts? (we wear nice shirts they say)

Now my problems have completely disappeared
Being left on the shelf ain't no longer what I fear
Girls ain't a problem, well maybe they are
They hang around and touch my shirt, you know that's going too far

Do you wear...

I got a button-down collar pre-sensitised check
Zigzag and stripey with a monotone fleck
With no holds barred, I'm out to impress
I wouldn't be seen in a string vest

Do you wear...

It was all ok till I bought a new soap powder
Now my shirts look even louder
I think I preferred it when I was a bore
Cause now I'm going out with the girl next door

Didn't realise I was on the way to becoming a sensation
I think I might just enjoy a lot more elation

Do you wear...

Eighteen

Unloved at school major fool
Never up with the rest, not cool
Want to get out back on the street
Coz now you’re at the age where societies meet

Because eighteen is the rage today
And I can’t keep up with the pace today
Eighteen is the rage today
Coz now you gonna find you think you’re now the boss
Don’t listen me coz I know you’re the best, can’t think of a reason unless…

Out on the town for most of the night
Big black eyes, it’s just a fight
Practice being you behind a classroom desk
You’re no 9 to 5 like all the rest

Because eighteen...

Now you see what you’ve got, you want it all
With a flick of the wrist you fill the Albert Hall
Fly your way up to the moon
With a band of heroes you’ll be there soon

Because eighteen...

Now your face is in every paper
Put in a bid for the Melody Maker
When it’s over, over and done
Relax your body in the dying sun

Because eighteen...

Bedsitter

Sitting in this room all alone in bedsitter land there's no place to roam
The problems I have here I share all alone in this promised place I call home
The people all around me they try to refrain, they pass on the streets not knowing their names
And as I sit and listen for this train, our lives seem to be one and the same

You try to look here, you try to look there, the people aren't worried, do they really care
You try to look here, you try to look there, the people aren't worried, it's not their affair

Their only friends are a radio tune, it reminds you of that foregone doom
And as you sit and stare at the room, you think about the tragedies that loom
You're sitting and watching the time go by, I must leave this room I know I must try
To find the rhythm, the reason why, or slash these wrists and slowly die

You try to look here...

Justified was the coroners verdict, a lonely man gives his life in vain
Mother wept when she heard the verdict, her son's life had been a life of pain
It's not justified

A Day In The Life (Of A Single Man)

Get up at 9 o'clock but I have to be out at 8
Struggle to the bathroom put on my clothes I must not be late
Sometimes it all seems worth it but again it don't
I go out start my car and join in the daily rush

Of the day in the life of a single man

Get into work just right say hello to my boss
Struggle through the batches of figures to assure that there is no loss
Sometimes it all seems worth it but again it don't
I sit there and watch the time, the bell rings 5 o'clock

It's the day...

Get home from work just right 
I have to be out at 8
We're going down the pub
Have a good night out with my mates but all we do is sit and wait
Perhaps we'll steal a kiss
What happens when I get older and I think about all the girls I missed

It's the day...

Blue Rifles

Living on nothing for so long now
Middlesex women know him well
Could've won it all if he hadn't have been
Seen every night looking so thin

Search the traps of escalating wealth
Now you find you're at war with yourself
The beat and bodies they find you clean
Could have been somebody if you could've seen

Could you see you're moving faster
You saw the bullet you saw the master
People always try to surround you
They're instruments of fun all around you

Was it too much fame that made you sink
In your bedroom did you think
Why you felt so obscure
That there could be no cure

Slipping across to Berwick Street
Stand in the shadows who do you meet?
These are my rifles this is my fun
This is called my Dope for Guns

We saw your face the sticking plaster
We saw your skin alabaster
You see your life you see it's pointless
They see your face it's beneath the surface

Was it too much fame...

Standing in the market with blue rifles
For you!

Poor Man

Poor man looks in the window
Sees the things he can't afford to buy
Young wife stands next to him
And ponders on the reason why

They got no money to pay no rent
They got no money to pay no bills
They've got each other for the rest of their lives
Their love will see them through to their next meal

Ooh poor man, look at you and me
Ooh poor man, happiness is yours for free
Cause you'll always have someone to love

Poor boy walks down the street
Holes in his shoes and dirty feet
Sees the poor man hanging around and says
Do you want me to lend a hand?

Poor man shakes his head and says
This is where I've been led you know
I'm you in thirty years
I hope that fills you with fear

Ooh poor man...

Poor man and his wife have found
As they stand hand in hand
Life for them is not material gains
Or cashing in on someone else's fame
Life is simple not just and fair
But they're much richer than any millionaire

Ooh poor man

If you like the songs used in the blog headers you can listen to them here on Spotify.

The 2004 gig at The Square can be found on the YouTube channel Lee Adams – YouTube

Also, for those interested in such things, an exhibition covering 75 Years of Music in Harlow can be found at Harlow Museum and runs from 2nd July to 10th September 2022.

THE VERY END

Click here to go back to blogs page

After kicking our heels for 23 years, someone asked if we’d reform for a gig.

(Click here to go to previous blogs)

Post Script

Demise Is Quick

The thing that struck me as most surprising, was how quickly the band folded. In May ’81 we recorded the Bedsitter EP. In July Roy left. We played our last gig in August. Steve left in September, Clive left in October and the band folded in November. Six months after recording what we thought was a great single, it was gone. Over. Ended. Finito.

It’s often easier to give up than to keep pushing onward, but it’s easy to forget how hard it is being in a band: the time, the effort, the money. Just to rehearse is a big outlay in terms of finding a suitable location, paying for it, getting everyone there at the same time, getting all the gear there, setting up, playing, packing up, taking everything home again. And that doesn’t take into account the disagreements, the arguments, the differences of opinion.

It also doesn’t take into account finding the money to buy equipment and maintain it. Then someone has to write the songs, then you have to find time to practice playing and learn the songs too. Then you have to find gigs. This is on top of having a job/family.

So, if you want to be in a band, don’t expect it to be easy, but then don’t take it for granted either. All too soon it’ll be gone and all you’ll be left with is a handful of fading memories, a few crumpled flyers and a cupboard full of dusty music equipment.

Stortbeat Collective Gig

In 2004 the band reconvened for a hastily arranged gig at The Square in Harlow.  It was to promote a CD called “The Stortbeat Collective”, a collection of recordings put out in the 70’s and 80’s by Stortbeat, Airplay and other associated labels. It was a great success, the night was a sell-out, we played again but without Clive, since he had booked a ‘cheap holiday in someone else’s misery’ which at the time, was more important. So, a friend from school called Kelloggs played drums, or at least tapped them at roughly the right time.

We played People On The Side, Control, Bedsitter, A Day In The Life and Crash Wanderer.  It was great fun and other than the CD, there was also a DVD of the night too.  Other bands on the bill were Easy Action, The Gangsters, The Rabbits, The Sods and yes, The Newtown Neurotics.  And guess what? The Sods actually spoke to us but The Neurotics? Sadly, even after all these years, they were still too busy.

I bumped in to Shane Roe (of The Sods and Crash Wanderer overdubs fame) in the toilets at The Square. I commented on his purple suit and said something about it being a bit ‘funky’. He smiled and asked whether we were playing ‘that song‘ tonight. I said yes, and that we’d reworked it with a 21st Century electronic vibe (we hadn’t). “Sounds good,” he replied. “Well,” I said, “You can hear it later when we get on stage.” “No way,” he said, “I’ll be in the bar,” and he laughed.

I don’t know whether he watched us or not but I enjoyed their set all the same.³²

Covers

A month or two after the gig Roy, Robbie and I started up a covers band called A Curious Charm³³, whilst Roy and Robbie continued to play in the Big Boys Blues Band also.  Then Roy left the band (again) as did Robbie eventually, and I soldiered on with the singer Vikki.  We drafted in new members and became a Blondie Tribute called Bite-Sized Blondie.

Then in 2014 Vikki and I got married and the band played Crash Wanderer live one more time at the wedding.

I thought that would be it, but no.  Roy got married in 2019 and the original four Pressure Stops met for the first time again since 2004, at Roy’s Stag Night.

We again rolled out the ‘Wanderer’ at the wedding, but this was somewhat shambolic appearance since we hadn’t rehearsed.  And we haven’t done anything since.  Probably just as well.  Sometimes you have to know when it’s time to let it go.

The Invention of Indie

So did the Pressure Stops invent Indie?  Well, as discussed earlier, they didn’t technically speaking, invent anything.  They were part of the musical revolution which did bring about the invention of Indie, along with thousands of other independent bands. 

Indie was a whole sub-culture of music that stemmed from the remnants of Punk, New Wave and Post-Punk.  If you were a guitar band in the late 70’s, early 80’s and you were using Pop elements, melodic guitar riffs, single, repeated note solos that followed the vocal melody line – the embodiment of this being the solo at 1 min 15 of “What Do I Get?” by The Buzzcocks – and you were on an Independent label, then you were categorised as an Indie band.

But of course, there’s a bit more to it than that (isn’t there always?) because Indie was a shortened version of the term “Independent”, which referred to the Independent Record Labels which sprung up everywhere when punk grew out of the chaos of early 70’s UK and US, specifically in New York and London. 

Coupled with the deep-set mistrust of major labels, when bands realised they could record, press and distribute records on their own, without the need for the major labels, they jumped at the chance.

One of the first, “Stiff Records” brought many great artists to the attention of audiences across Britain:  Elvis Costello & The Attractions, Ian Dury & The Blockheads, Nick Lowe, Madness, Lene Lovich, The Damned, Jona Lewie, Kirsty MacColl, Tracey Ullman, Mötorhead and The Pogues were all Stiff artists at one time or another. Famously, the company was originally set up using a £400 loan from Lee Brilleaux, the singer from Dr. Feelgood.

It was Stiff who released the UK’s first punk single, “New Rose” by The Damned, which hit the shops on 22^nd October 1976. 

This was, although nobody knew it at the time, the first tiny shoots of “Indie”. Because so many bands were being signed to, or creating their own, Independent labels, eventually music papers such as Sounds, began printing the weekly Singles Charts, Album Charts and Independent Charts to keep everyone abreast of the underground music scene as it grew across the UK.  The Pressure Stops, on Airplay, were just one of many.

So, it’s growth can be charted organically due to a spreading desire for bands to be recorded and those recordings to be heard.  Punk was very much a DIY (learn three chords and start a band) ethic where the band had control over their musical output. 

However, the major labels had the last laugh.  They destroyed indie some years later by infiltrating the indie sub-culture from within by creating their own new labels which purported to be “indie” supporting indie bands but they were nothing of the sort.  Eventually you couldn’t buy an indie record anymore and be sure it wasn’t part of the majors and so its credibility withered and died. 

The Pressure Stops however, never had any credibility to begin with so it wasn’t much of problem for them.

So, what are The Pressure Stops doing these days? Well, I’m now retired and living in Maldon, Essex, and occasionally play in a band with my wife Victoria. Roy runs his own company, still plays in The Big Boys Blues Band and in The Princes of Les covers band and lives near Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire. Steve Coulson works in the print trade and lives in Bishops’ Stortford.

Clive continued to work for the BBC and even found time to become and accomplished amateur cyclist. Robbie works and lives in Harlow and plays in a covers band called Quixote’s Beard. Steve Byrne lives near Peterborough, Mick Richards moved to Portsmouth, and John McGinn plays drums in The Princes Of Les with Roy. Kelloggs sadly died a few years ago from MS.

One time random Pressure Stop Richard Holgarth (of The Gangsters) now plays guitar with Eddie and the Hot Rods and also John Otway. You can see him on Netflix in the film Otway The Movie.

Rock and Roll’s Greatest Failure: Otway the Movie – Wikipedia

So, that about wraps it up for The History of The Pressure Stops. It was an eventful ride which will thankfully never be repeated.

It just leaves me to say thank you for your time and to let you know there is one, last blog. A short walk down memory lane.

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Mick joined (for one gig), Roy left and created a ripple effect which decimated the fragile balance of the band

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It Was Me!

So, there you have it.  It was all my fault that Roy left.  And I believed all along that the original four, and Robbie after he joined, were a single unit with one, identifiable vision: to be as good as we could be. 

But it appeared Roy perhaps didn’t necessarily share the same vision or ambition as I, and as he said afterwards, eventually he was “just along for the ride”.  To be merely a good band, everyone has to share the same desire, and everyone has to be pulling in the same direction.  Like most things in life, a band is only as good as its weakest link.      

Draft In Last Minute Replacements

We had a gig at Benny’s nightclub to fulfil on Sunday August 16^th 1981, and we were on the bill with Easy Action and The Firm.  Bill had started a club called The Apocalypso and a lot of people turned up for it. 

We didn’t have a bass player, so I spoke to a guy I worked with called Mick Richards who used to be in a band called “Squeeze Levers”.  He was a good musician and he had a rock ‘n’ roll name too.  I went round his house after work and ran him through the songs on guitar, and gave him some sketched out tabs to follow. 

Mick didn’t have a bass anymore so when we got to the gig he had to borrow a bass from Ian McCallum of Easy Action. 

The gig was a good gig and I enjoyed playing with Mick even though he didn’t know the songs very well and I had to keep calling out the chord changes to him.

“G!” I’d shout over the sound of the drums and guitars.

“C?” he’d reply.

“G!” I’d shout again.

“E?” he’d say.

Jazz Reggae?

By that time the song had moved on to something else and it started over again.  Mick and I had recently been in London and went to Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club. “Upstairs” was an eight-piece reggae band playing and they did an interesting thing at the end of the gig.

On the final song they played a long instrumental piece, and the singer left the stage, then one by one each musician played his piece and left also, leaving the bass player and the drummer to finish off.  It ended with the drummer doing a short solo and then he finished.  The crowd went wild. 

Later I suggested to Mick we did the same for our gig.  And we did.  Steve finished singing, walked off stage, then Robbie put his guitar down and left, then I did the same and then Mick and Clive carried on for a few minutes and it started to turn into an introspective prog rock piece.  Mick put his bass down and the floor was Clive’s. 

I think he enjoyed rattling round the drums because I was giving him daggers trying to get him to finish but he made the most of it.  Unfortunately, when he stopped playing the audience weren’t sure whether it was the end or not so there was a muted applause.  Not quite the response I expected but it was something different.

Although we didn’t know it, it would be our last gig and the muted response served as a reflection of people’s attitude towards us as a band. Not that we noticed or cared.

Watch Helplessly As It All Falls Apart

Mick was never going to join the band. It was difficult enough for him to get ‘approval’ from his wife Penny, to do one gig, let alone join permanently. He lived in Bishop’s Stortford, was married and had a young son, who at the time was a bit of a handful (but then by all accounts so was Mick). So, we cast the net further afield. Despite it being a good gig, Steve also decided he’d had enough of being in The Stops too, and so hung up his microphone.

“I think I left not because I’d had enough but I thought ‘we’ve done that now’. When you’re 20-21 you might think ‘I don’t want to rehearse any more on a Sunday morning’ and that was it.”

Steve C

I took over singing duties for a while until we found another bass player/singer.  We tried out a couple but they didn’t like our music so nothing materialised. 

Then Clive, who was playing in some other bands at the time, decided to give up too and it was left with Robbie and I to continue.

If You Must, Let It Fold

I found a couple of lads who played drums and bass and we started rehearsing.  It wasn’t the same. Then one of them got a job in Hitchin, moved out of Harlow and that was it. 

“It petered together for about 18 months, then it petered out.”

Steve C

I suggested to Robbie that we take a brief hiatus, to allow us time to think about what we could do next, and then reconvene and start up another band.  He agreed.

But it appeared we both liked not getting up on a Sunday morning to be at The Mill for a 9 am start. We liked not having to lug heavy guitar amps up 15 flights of stairs. We liked not having to put the effort in. In short, we liked not being in a band because it was easier to not do it.

23 Short Years

But at that time, when we decided to press the pause button, it was because we believed we were keen to get going again soon. That was in November 1981.  We didn’t play again until October 2004. 23 years later. 

To make matters worse, I still hadn’t heard back from John Peel about our Poor Man Dub recording and in the meantime he’d died…

Just like The Pressure Stops

THE END

…ok, we’ll do an encore if you insist…

NEXT – PART 19 – PART TIME PUNKS

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We secured some free recording time at the BBC, recorded Poor Man and offered it to John Peel. Then Roy left.

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Offer Recordings To John Peel

Clive was working at the BBC and secured us some free studio time just off BBC House in Portland Street.  We recorded Poor Man and some reworks called Poor Man Dub which had all sorts of echo and effects all over it³⁴. 

Later Clive, Robbie and I went back to get a copy of the tape and then walked across to BBC House where Radio One was broadcast from. The idea was to leave John Peel a copy to see if he would play it on the Radio once more. But Clive had other ideas.

Pressure Peel

“Let’s see if we can talk to John Peel,” he suggested.  Robbie and me looked at him quizzically. It was gone 10pm. “But he’s on air, doing his show,” we said.  “Doesn’t matter,” said Clive. “He takes calls when he’s playing songs.”

Clive flashed his BBC pass, explained who we were and to our surprise the receptionist picked up the phone. We watched as he had a brief conversation with someone and then, a few seconds later he held out the receiver and said, “Here.  It’s Mr Peel for you.” 

Clive and Robbie both stepped back, looked at me and said, “It’s your band, you talk to him.”

I was cornered. I took the receiver.

“Hi, John here and who might you be?” asked John Peel in his nasaly, scouse accent.

“Hi John,” I said just a little star struck. “My name’s Lee. Lee Adams.  I play guitar in the Pressure Stops.”

“Ok, so what are you up to at the minute?”  he asked.

“Well, you played our first single and that was great but you didn’t play the last one and I wondered why not?”

It was the first thing that came into my head.

Hey John…

“Well, you know I receive a lot of music from all over the place.  I can’t play it all you know.”

“Ok, fair point but we’ve just done a recording over in Portland Street and wondered if you’d be interested in listening to it,” I asked him.

“How did you get in there?” he asked.  I explained about Clive and the spare studio time and he started to distance himself from what I was saying by saying things like “Oh, can you do that? Is it above board?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” I said casually. “Don’t you worry about it.” I was beginning to get into my stride and for the time-being at least, was feeling a little less star struck. “Anyway, how about we leave a tape of the recording down here on reception for you? Would you be able to give it a spin and let us know what you think?”

“Sure absolutely, leave it there and someone will bring it up.  And thanks for calling.  Much appreciated.”

“Cheers Johnny. Nice to catch up.”

I gave the receiver back to the receptionist and looked at the others.  They were smiling expectantly but I didn’t say anything. After a while they prompted me. “Well? What did he say?”

I nodded slowly, wide-eyed, with a gormless grin. I indicated the phone with a nod of my head, and then said “I just spoke to John Peel.”

“Yes, we know but what did he say?” they asked again.

There was an elongated silence whilst I mulled it over in my mind. Then I looked up, smiled, and with added emphasis said, “I just spoke to John Peel!”

Learn How To Write A Proper Song

The song Poor Man was a favourite of mine and we played it a few times live.  It was one song where I edited some of Steve’s lyrics.   At some point I added/edited the final verse which went like this:-

“Poor man and his wife have found, as they stand hand in hand,

Life for them is not material gains, or cashing in on someone else’s fame.

Each other’s love is all they need, along with the baby mouth they feed,

Life is simple, not just or fair, but they’re much richer than any millionaire.”

Poor Man

It fitted with the melody and was short, succinct and direct. Unlike this series of blogs.

Splinter Group

Soon Roy decided to quit the band citing musical differences as the reason.  In truth I didn’t really know why he quit, because despite the single we were doing a lot more gigs. Also, we had much better songs, were a lot more accomplished and I felt we were moving in the right direction.

But at this time, synthesizers had come into the mainstream, and we even played some gigs with synth bands like Unit One and The Picture. Other, local bands had been and gone: The Gangsters, The Rabbits, Howard Like, Spelling Missteaks, had all folded and so the ‘Harlow Scene’ wasn’t the same Harlow scene it had been two years previously. Like all things, it had moved on.

But now it was populated by different people with different ideas. And there were different bands, younger than us, like Poetry In Motion for example, who were doing something new and different to us. We weren’t the young teenage whipper-snappers anymore. We were one of the established bands, and suddenly I felt old and past it.  I was 20 at the time.

Roy, I thought, had begun to find Steve’s verbal abuse a little tiresome and even when we’d recorded the second single there were disagreements between the two because Roy couldn’t nail a bassline.  However, on this ocassion Roy had come up with the bassline (it wasn’t one of mine!) and it transpired that in the recording studio, it was too difficult for him to play well enough to be recorded, which needed to be perfect.

Bass Effect

Steve, becoming more and more frustrated, started to tell him what he thought of his bass playing, which clearly didn’t help.  In the end I had to ask Steve to go and cool off outside so I could get Roy calm enough to play.  All I was interested in was making the best record we could, not point scoring.  But that was the first time I saw a real issue between the two. Until then, it had usually been nothing more than good humoured ribbing. And then, soon after Roy left.

“I do not know to this day why I left.  The only thing it was down to was meeting Helen (Roy’s future wife), and having other priorities.  And that turned out well, didn’t it (they divorced).  Steve could be a twat, but I don’t think that was it, although funnily enough I sometimes thought Lee took it all too seriously and I probably didn’t take it seriously enough and so I became the new Steve Byrne to an extent, because I wasn’t practicing as much as I should’ve.”

Roy

So, we’d just released our 2nd single, had gigs lined up and then suddenly, we had no bass player. And I thought that was bad. Soon I discovered this was just the start. The beginning of the end. And I also discovered there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

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We met Porky Prime Cut but that cut no mustard with The Rabbits, who were not impressed with our latest offering.

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Pressure Portland

On Wednesday June 10^th 1981 we all headed up to Portland Studios in Portland Place, London to get the songs cut to acetate.  In the olden days of vinyl that’s how you got a quarter inch master tape onto a 45 rpm single, by ‘cutting’ it to an acetate disc.  The pressing plant then made a metal master of the acetate and printed the vinyl copies from that.  The studios were owned by Chas Chandler of The Animals and Jimi Hendrix fame.

Pressure Porky

We sat in the plush reception in sofas that swallowed you up and felt very out of place with gold records adorning the walls.  Eventually we were shown in to see George Peckham who would cut the disc for us.  We chatted about the song and I noticed the Beatles and Elvis Costello albums on the walls, all signed, ‘To George, Thanks…’ etc. etc. and then the penny dropped.  George Peckham was the real name of Pecko or Porky Prime Cut.

On the run-out groove of records, little messages often appeared and George Peck often signed his as Pecko or Porky Prime Cut.  Once he’d cut the disk he said, “What do you want round the middle?” Bill who was ready for this said, “Put ‘Skankin’ good fun, without the “g”.”  “Ok,” said George and what else?”  Since none of us had thought of anything we all looked at each other for inspiration.

After a while I said, “How about, ‘Don’t read this play the bugger!’”  It got a muted response.

Steve who had been quiet up until now said, “I don’t mind what we have just so long as it’s not that ‘porky prime cut’ bollocks that every other fucker has.”

We all cut in at this point.  “Steve? Shut up!” I said.  Then to George, “Go with what I said,” and we went outside while he finished it off.

George Peckham – Wikipedia

Porky Prime Cut

“What’s wrong with you lot?” Steve said in an accusatory tone.

“Porky fucking Prime Cut bollocks?” I said incredulously.  “Porky fucking Prime Cut bollocks?” I repeated.

“Yeah?” he said.  “What about it?”

“That IS Mr – Porky – fucking – Prime Cut bollocks himself!” I explained.

“Is it?  Well I didn’t know!” he replied looking a little sheepish.  Later Steve got to apologise.  George, forever the gentleman smiled and told him not to worry.

Add A Picture Sleeve

“Cob took the picture in my flat. I had a bed-settee in the front room so I put that down and moved the bedside cabinet in from the bedroom. Someone put the Classified over the electric fire just to add a further sense of foreboding and doom.”

Roy

“We all turned up for the shoot and Roy had spent 2 hours clearing up. We said, “This is no good Roy!” and proceeded to chuck junk everywhere.”

Steve C

Band HQ

Steve worked in the print trade so he arranged to have the sleeves printed cheaply.

“The reason we had two different coloured sleeves was when I went to get them printed at Shenval Press they had blue ink on the machine, so I said, “We’ll have blue then.” Then they said the next job was red and did we want to use that as well? And so we ended up with 500 red and 500 blue.”

Steve C

We sat in Roy’s flat i.e. Band HQ, cut out the sleeves, folded them, stuck them together and inserted a record into them.  It was a long laborious process but again we didn’t care about the time, effort or the money.  We just wanted to make records and play to an audience.

Finally, we completed the thousand pressings with two different sleeves, one in Red and the other in Blue.   In the shot of Roy asleep in bed are some posters of previous Pressure Stops gigs plus our first single ‘Crash Wanderer’ in front of ‘Pretty Vacant’ by the Sex Pistols on the beside cabinet, the implication being ours was the better single (it wasn’t).

The empty bottle of Guinness was donated by James Doherty. However, we hadn’t planned for any of these items to be in the shot, they just happened to be in Roy’s flat so we used them.

Try To Stay Different And Fresh

The single didn’t fare very well.  I don’t think Bill was too keen to promote it and so it sold poorly.   John Peel may have played it on his Radio One show (we didn’t hear it), and we struggled to shift the copies we had pressed.  I thought the record was great, it sounded so much more polished and sophisticated than our first offering which was bright, tinny, cheap but fun.  The songs were more mature too, discussing the elitist establishment in Control, modern relationships on A Day in the Life and loneliness, isolation and suicide on Bedsitter.

Roy:” I think it was too far ahead of it’s time.”

Me: “Are you taking the piss?”

Roy: “No. It was too good, too professional for the local scene. That’s why they didn’t like it. Not because it wasn’t any good. It was miles ahead of the first single.“

Steve: “I think it was a bit derivative. I think it sold locally in the same numbers as Crash Wanderer, at gigs and in the local record shops. But the main difference was the first single was played by John Peel and so Rough Trade, Bonaparte, Small Wonder would take a box or so because it was being played on the radio. But Bedsitter was either played once or not at all, so there was no reason for it to sell in London.”

Pressure Parody

What it didn’t have was a quirky, romantic simplicity which was a feature of Harlow punk bands, and neither were we interested in extreme politics and so it sat, annoyingly, in no-man’s land.  Neither political, nor a loving self-parody. 

This time when we went to The Hare and spoke to other bands about our new single, we got a very different response.  There was no back slapping, no ‘join the club’, no understated admiration that we’d taken another big step forward, that we had helped cement Harlow’s place on the map of punk’s musical outposts.  Roger Milton from The Rabbits sat in front of me and I said, “So what do you think Roger?”

Pressure Patronising

He just smiled sadly, shook his head and said, “What have you done? Really, what have you done?”

I was taken aback.  I thought we’d made a masterpiece.  The songs were tight, well arranged, well produced, the sound was top notch.  We even had a picture sleeve for goodness sake! What could possibly be wrong with it?

But there’s a saying which goes “pride comes before a fall“. We were full of ourselves (or I was) because of how ‘good’ our new offering was and I was about to be taken down a notch or two.

“We made a record Roger, is what we did.  It sounds ten times better than the last one,” I countered.

“Yes, but the songs, the sound, all the other stuff on there, what’s that all about?”

“What do you mean?” I asked even more taken aback than I had been a minute ago.

“It’s like you tried to make a proper record but it’s not a very good one,” he said.

“Aren’t we all trying to make a proper record?” I asked just a little confused.

Us Not Them

“No…..no.  That’s exactly what we’re not doing.  We’re trying to be us, not them!” By “them” he meant everyone else in the record industry.  “We’re the underground movement, we’re not the mainstream and we fucking well don’t want to be!”

“But it still sounds good…” I began.

“No, it doesn’t.  Look at that song Control.  It’s good, a nice little reggae riff going through it, anti-establishment lyrics but what the fuck is that at the end, the feedback shit. Who do you think you are, Led Zeppelin?”

I was crushed. “And Bedsitter,” he continued.  “Sounds just like ‘Control’ so why put them both on the same single?”

Be True To Yourself

We’d fallen into the age-old trap of taking ourselves too seriously.  What the bands and people on Stortbeat and Airplay were not doing was taking themselves seriously, well except the Neurotics who really did think they were the next big thing, despite their ‘punk-by-numbers’ approach to music and being in a band, and clearly I was envious of their success.

“The point is not to sound like everyone else.  The point is to sound like you,” he explained.  We’d lost our identity.  We’d become just another band.  And we’d sold out to the Gods of Rock ‘n’ Roll.  We weren’t the Pressure Stops anymore, having fun and having a knockabout and seeing where it took us. 

We were the Pressure Stops who had taken a step towards becoming a mainstream band.  And we weren’t singing about Nice Shirts anymore and getting lost in Alaska, we were discussing loneliness, isolation, depression and suicide. 

We weren’t writing jangly little power punk pop songs that were fun and enjoyable.  Instead we were layering overdubs on our records, filling in the spaces with Timbali drums and effects.  We had solos and feedback.  We had Phase, Echo, Reverb and Overdrive. And that didn’t sit well with the cognoscenti of the Harlow punk scene.  In short, we’d fucked up and hadn’t even realised it.

Bill had warned us with his ‘rockist’ statement and we hadn’t heeded his message.  We’d soldiered on, in the face of the criticism and now we were discovering what people really thought of our new direction. Cracks we discovered, were starting to appear in the Harlow punk scene.  And cracks were starting to appear in the band too.

NEXT – PART 17 – IS VIC THERE?

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We promoted the single with gigs, Steve and I started writing together, then Robbie joined

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Freshen Up Your Set

We finished 1980 with a few gigs, to promote both the single and Airplay Records. 1981 started well for the band too.  We had a whole load of new songs which we had been working on, but already I had become disillusioned with playing things like Crash Wanderer and Shirts.  I thought we’d moved on from that kids’ stuff.  I didn’t want to play them anymore, but the others didn’t agree. 

They believed that’s what people wanted to hear and on reflection I have to agree.  But, I was outvoted so we played them, but before each gig I’d argue against them being in the set.  I didn’t play either song with any great conviction.  I had begun to go through the motions.

We played about seven gigs between January and April which was a lot for us considering we’d only played nine gigs during the whole of 1980.

“We played at Benny’s quite a few times. A couple of times we played there, there were massive crowds (for us), like 3-4-5 hundred people for launch parties and that. But other times there might only be 50-60 people there.”

Steve C

Find A Song-Writing Partner

Steve and I started to write songs together more often after the first single was released, mainly because it took me a long time to come up with the kind of lyrics I was happy with, whereas Steve had plenty.  Conversely, I had lots of hooks, riffs and melodies whereas Steve had very few. 

It made perfect sense therefore, to pool our resources and write together.  However it wasn’t planned.  We didn’t discuss it as a way to improve our songs, it began in an organic manner, where I’d play a riff or a chord progression, or hum a melody and Steve would say, “Hey, I’ve got some lyrics that would fit that.” So we’d try it and if it worked then we used it. 

Steve was permanently wandering about with lyrics floating around in his mind, or scribbled on scraps of paper, whereas I was doing much the same, only with tunes.

Sometime later, it would occur again and eventually the penny dropped and then we would sit down to purposely write something.  Sometimes we met at Roy’s flat (he’d moved out of his sister’s house) and we would work on ideas there.  Quite often it was a case of trying out and pursuing ideas until we found something we liked or something that worked.

Pressure Party

A Day In The Life (Of A Single Man) was one such song, as were Bedsitter, The Party (Snog) Song, Bricks, Princes and Pirates and Poor Man.  The cover photo of the Bedsitter EP (above) was taken by Cob in Roy’s flat. Ironically, Steve and I had written Bedsitter in the flat some months earlier. 

A Day In The Life was written on the piano. We had an upright piano at home that my dad played, so I taught myself some chords, wrote the song on it and then transposed it to the guitar. It sounded completely different on the guitar which I liked but was very surprised about.

We used to use the flat as ‘Band HQ’ where Steve and I would write, or we’d all discuss gigs, set lists, gear etc.  On one occasion, we were at the flat working on what would become Princes & Pirates and a friend of ours, Steve “The Frisk” Christy was there reading the lyrics. He misread the word ‘bride’ as ‘brick’ so the line ended up being “…then she became my loving brick,” which the rest of us found amusing.  So much so that within about an hour we had a song called “Bricks” about Oswald Moseley, which was pretty good considering it literally came out of nothing.

Pressure Princes

I still wrote on my own and when I heard the news that Malcolm Owen, the singer of The Ruts had died of an overdose, I was inspired to write an epitaph which came to be called Blue Rifles.  The link was The Ruts song called Dope for Guns, so I imagined Malcolm buying from his supplier in a street in the West End using blue “fivers” which I called rifles because of the Dope for Guns link. 

It was supposed to be a circular reflection on his own drug use whilst singing about it in his band.  Anyway, I appeared to be in a rich vein of form where song-writing was concerned because I had ideas coming out of everywhere and I think I threw them all at songs like Blue Rifles and Princes & Pirates.

Above My Station 

Bill Meadows didn’t like Blue Rifles.  He thought I was getting a bit above my station by over arranging it.  He preferred the three-minute hero pop thrash to my five-minute opus to the recently departed punk singing heroin addict.  But when Steve came up with Princes and Pirates, I added a slow, melodramatic sound to it. Then I rinsed it with some heavy whooshing phase all over the top. Then it began to sound like something dreamy from the 60’s Haight-Ashbury psychedelic era.

I was experimenting and developing my song writing skills; trying out new ideas and different sounds and quite often Steve’s lyrics would inspire me to write in different ways.  However, I’m not trying to suggest that what I was doing was any good. And even though it is better to have too many ideas than not enough, if you use all of your ideas, songs can get bogged down or they lose focus if they keep changing direction.  This I think, is what Bill was alluding to.  I even had a harmonic, dual lead riff in Blue Rifles!

Add New Members

To further promote and develop the band in a new direction, I suggested Robbie Tucker join.  We knew Robbie from school. He’d been playing drums with No Warning/Flying Mallet/Roxoff/Dept of Youth (who were all the same band) but he was a better guitarist.  He agreed and that meant we could develop the guitar sound past the jangling pop sound I was able to produce.  Plus, he could improvise solos on the fly which meant a more mature sound as far as I could see.

“I can’t say I was happy about Robbie joining, although it was a good idea to have someone in the band who could actually play the guitar. I like Robbie and I was always impressed with the way we would rehearse and he’d come back next week and he’d nailed his part, the solo or whatever. He didn’t mess about.”

Roy

“It changed the dynamic a bit but I thought he really improved us as a band.”

Steve C

As Roy said, it was refreshing to have someone in the band that actually knew how to play their instrument and so when I came up with riffs I couldn’t play, I gave them to Robbie. So, The Pressure Stops Mk II became Mk III. But, it came at a price, as Roy alluded to earlier.

I hadn’t considered the fragile balance of the band, as I bullishly strode headlong into the future. I believed, in my simplistic and arrogant teenage mind, that if anyone didn’t like the new direction then they could leave and easily be replaced.

What I was unable to appreciate was the difficulty in replacing a personality; a friendship. You can’t replace the intangible bond that had grown between us over the last few years. And I didn’t take any of that into account because I didn’t know it existed. Until it was gone.

The Mill

By now we had outgrown The Pepperpot for rehearsals and had taken up residence at Pardon Mill Studio. It was a long way from any residential areas (good). It was bigger than The Pepperpot (good). It had recording facilities (very good), and it was at the very top of a big, old Mill and we had to lug all our gear up 42 flights of stairs (not good).

On top of that, the only slot they had was 9-12am on a Sunday morning (really not good). We were still Hare aficionados and liked drinking to excess on a Saturday night which doesn’t always mix so well with full volume rehearsing a few short hours later.

Parndon Mill

Do More Recording

In May ’81 we suggested to Bill that we record another single.  He agreed and we booked The Lodge in Hertford. It was owned by hippie commune dwellers The Enid. It had clients such as Kim Wilde and The Donkeys to name just two.

Shane Roe was nowhere near the studio so that was a good start, and it was a much more relaxed affair (for me) because we had an idea of how to record now. We were also a little more confident with experimenting rather than going with what we were told was the best thing to do.  Bill didn’t like the single.  He called it “rockist” and I had to ask Roy what that meant.  He said it wasn’t a positive statement, that it suggested we’d ‘sold out’ to progressive rock instead of sticking to our punk roots. 

EP

There were three songs which made it an EP, called Bedsitter, A Day in the Life and Control.  Control was the song Roy had first sung to me when we met in ‘78. I had reworked it quite a bit in the meantime and made it into what I considered a half decent song.  Bedsitter was a mid-tempo, reggae influenced skank, whereas A Day in the Life was an up-tempo, power pop song in a similar vein to Shirts. 

What was rockist, if anything, was that Bedsitter was a long song for a punk record and Control had a little feedback in the last few seconds as it ended.

Roy: “My abiding memory of that recording is using the same toilet as Kim Wilde.”

Steve: “What, while she was using it?”

Roy: “No, she’d been in the week before, recording her new single (Chequered Love). There was only one toilet, there’s no way she hadn’t used it. Other than that, recording was pretty boring.”

Roy & Steve Discuss Kim Wilde’s Lavatorial requirements

Kim Wilde’s new single reached a lofty No.4 in the UK charts and so fared marginally better than our measly offering.

Then to our surprise, we discovered not everyone thought our latest offering was any good. And they weren’t averse to telling us so either.

NEXT – PART 16 – SHOT BY BOTH SIDES

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After a gig at Brays Grove in September ’80, we discovered we were Radio 1 superstars.

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On The Radio

We played at The Grove on Monday 22^nd of September 1980 along with The Spelling Missteaks. It was a good gig and there was a good-sized audience and of course we had a single to flog too which we did afterwards. 

Because the Youth Centre was quite close to my girlfriend Jackie’s house, I went there after the gig, had a cup of tea and then went home. 

Superstar DJ

When I got home, I parked up outside, walked in the front door and the house was going crazy.  My Mum and Dad were laughing, Sarah was screaming “Your song’s just been on Radio 1!”  she said.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I thought it was an elaborate wind up, but it transpired that Steve and Roy had tuned into the John Peel show on the way home from the gig and had heard him introducing some of the bands he was playing that night. 

They phoned my home number but of course I wasn’t there and so I missed it. 

However, here is the introduction to the show.

“Tonight we have a new session from The Beat, which I think you’ll probably quite like. Four tracks from the debut LP by Killing Joke. And then amongst other records, The Teardrop Explodes, The Passions, a new single from them. Black Uhuru, Madness, Gang Of Four, TV21, Pressure Stops, Obtainers, Angelic Upstarts, The Liggers, The Waitresses, Captain Beefheart, Misty and a great many others. And to start the programme, this…”

John Peel, Radio 1 – 22nd September 1980

You can listen to it here.

Here is a transcript of what he said later, when playing the record.

“These are The Pressure Stops bless ’em, and on Airplay Records, Crash Wanderer.”

(plays record)

“Ah, there’s a sort of curious charm too. The Pressure Stops on Airplay Records and Crash Wanderer.”

John Peel

Here is the recording if you want to listen…

Someone has compiled a lot of the shows and you can see the track listing for the 22nd September 1980 here.

22 September 1980 | John Peel BBC Radio 1

In The Car

“We did the gig in front of about four skinheads, got interviewed by the local press; I drove home on my own, Steve drove home with Bill and Julie.”

Roy

“We were dropping off a PA that Bill shared with Kevin Jones. He lived near The Stow and had a lockup.”

Steve C

“I got home, stuck the radio on, we knew “Peely” had it (the single) and I thought, “He has to play it.” Then he did his introductions and was reeling off these names, then he said, “Plus the Pressure Stops.” Next thing I know, Steve and Bill are banging on the door. They’d gone straight across a junction when they heard it.”

Roy

“We were driving along, heard it on the radio and went straight across a crossroads. So, we sat round Roy’s listening to it.”

Steve C

“Someone taped it and I clearly remember having to wait until 11.15. And then he played it and oh man. Incredible.”

Roy

The next time it was heard on the radio was on 27th September 1980. This was on BFBS.

“Now Pressure Stops, this is called Crash Wanderer.”

(plays record)

“Very curious record indeed that. It’s a single on the Airplay label and it’s by Pressure Stops and it’s called Crash Wanderer. Very odd indeed. I like it though. I must admit I am always a sucker for twangy guitars though, even in very limited quantities as they were on that.”

John Peel

Here’s the track listing for the 27th.

27 September 1980 John Peel

On another occasion Peel played the record, he described it like this:-

“A curiously effective record that, actually. I’ve not found anyone else yet I must confess, who likes it, but I like it very well. It’s by Pressure Stops on Airplay Records and it’s called Crash Wanderer.”

John Peel

Missed

John Peel played it a few times over the next few weeks, and I missed it every time.  We waited to see if it would take off and we received the occasional letter from someone who had heard it on the radio asking for a copy but as for gigs, further airplay, requests for more copies of the single to sell, it didn’t happen and our meteoric rise to obscurity was suddenly over, no sooner than it had begun.  It didn’t deter us though.  If anything, it strengthened our resolve.

NEXT – PART 15 – DOPE FOR GUNS

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Shane Roe wanted overdubs. I didn’t have any. I lost. He won. It was carnage.

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Overdubs? What Overdubs?

Later, once we had recorded the Guitar, Bass and Drums and Steve had completed his vocals, Shane came into the studio and said to me, “Get yourself ready for the next section.  We’ll be ready to do the overdubs soon so make sure you’ve got everything set up.”

“Overdubs?” I said.  “What overdubs?”

“You know, solos, riffs, additional guitar parts other than what you did on the guide track,” he explained.

“I have a ten second solo which I play twice and that’s it.  There aren’t any other overdubs.”

“Well you need some.  There’s not enough on the track to fill out the sound,” he countered.

“But I don’t have anything! What am I supposed to do?” My stomach began to churn and I started to feel unwell.

“Make something up?” he suggested.

That’ll Do

Which was easier said than done.  Overdubs, for those not fully conversant with music related recording terminology, is when different (in this instance) guitar parts are recorded separately then layered on top of each other to complete the song. 

I’m not a born natural on the guitar.  I have to work at everything, so even if I heard a riff or solo in my head it could take me ages to work it out on the guitar.  I couldn’t even just noodle around a pentatonic scale because I didn’t even know what a pentatonic scale was. 

Shane disappeared into the control room and I turned to the others and said, “He wants me to do guitar overdubs and I haven’t got anything.  What do I do?”

Make Something Up

They looked at each other and shrugged.  “Practice something before they’re set up,” said Clive.  “Good idea,” I said.  They disappeared into the control booth and left me to it.  I felt very small and insecure suddenly, as I sat messing about with the chords and the solo and tried to come up with something else to add but I had built this up so much in my mind that nothing would materialise no matter how hard I tried.

“OK, we’re ready to go, are you?” came the voice from the tannoy.

“Hang on, just give me a minute,” I replied.

In the intervening years I’ve suffered with anxiety and panic attacks but even they pale into insignificance when measured against being in a studio, with other musicians watching you and listening to everything you do. Especially when you have no idea what you’re doing. I was shaking. Literally. My fingers were cold and numb just like my usually febrile musical mind.

Twiddling

I twiddled and fiddled and eventually did a short arpeggio of some of the chords (where individual notes are struck in turn, rather than strummed) and it sounded ok.

“Ok,” I said.  “Ready.”

Shane came back to me and said, “We’ll play the track, all you need to do is just play over the top.  Doesn’t matter if it works or not but anything that does sound ok we’ll add it in.”

The track started and I listened through the headphones and then just started adding bits in as they occurred to me.  Some of it was tuneless nonsense but I didn’t really care about that, all I wanted was the song to sound as good as possible.  I did my arpeggio thing here and there, added in a bit of Duane Eddy style twanging and did the solo a couple of times.  Running through the track about three or four times, good ideas were repeated in places. By the end of it I was sweating bucket loads and was wiped out with stress. 

2nd Solo

The last note of the 2nd solo was a harmonic at the twelfth fret. But I was shaking so much I didn’t fret the string properly and it rang as an open E.  When asked if the solo was ok I said, “Yes it’s fine,” because I couldn’t do it again.

We moved on to recording “Shirts” and went through the same process.  Shane didn’t ask for overdubs on this one and I didn’t remind him either.

“Shane Roe had me singing through a rolled up newspaper to make it sound like I was some 20’s singer, with a loud hailer.”

Steve C

We added in backing vocals and handclaps and then we all went to a local pub for an hour or so while he and the engineer mixed the two songs.  The engineer gave us directions to the nearest pub and we all jumped in Cob’s Camper and off we went.  What the engineer had failed to inform us of was the one-way system.  We drove up a small side road and came to a small T- junction leading onto a dual carriageway.

At The Pub

“Which way from here?” asked Cob.  Bill looked at the map and pointed.  “Just there, the road is diagonally to the right.”  Cob indicated right and pulled out onto the empty road and drove about ten feet when he suddenly noticed four lanes of cars in front of us, facing us at a red traffic light about fifty yards away. 

We all looked at the cars sitting there as we drove towards them and wondered what was happening.  It was like driving the wrong way up to the starting grid of a F1 race.  Just then the lights turned to green and they all started to drive towards us.

One Way

“It’s a one-way system!” screamed Cob.  “And we’re going the wrong way!”

There was a second where time stood still and everything became very slow as we all took on board the enormity of what was happening.  The Van slowed up as Cob tried to decide whether to reverse back across the road from where we’d come, look for a way to turn around and go in the correct direction, or make it to the road opposite.

“What do I do?” screamed Cob.

“Go for the road!” Shouted Bill.  “Over there!”

The VW was never the quickest vehicle on the road and as Cob attempted to direct it diagonally across the four-lane highway towards the side turning we had been making for, it seemed incongruously slow.  The cars were getting nearer and we appeared to be getting slower.

“Hurry up for fucks sake!” we shouted from the back.

Just In Time

“I’m going as fast as I can!” shouted Cob back to us.  Just as the cars began to draw near and as they began to brake suddenly at the realisation this really was a VW Camper van driving towards them along a dual carriageway, we made it to the side road and turned in just as the cars coming the other way whizzed by.

“Jesus Christ! That was close,” shouted Cob, throwing his head back as he snorted in fear and derision.  We needed a drink after that.  Falling out of the van, into the pub, we sat down and had a few well-earned drinks, laughed about my ‘overdubs’ and relaxed.

We came back, had a listen, liked what we heard and wrapped it all up. Shane did manage to add a wonderful reverb to the track “Shirts” at about 2.00 mins in, where the drumroll sounds like a train coming out of a tunnel.

On Holiday

A few weeks later Roy, Steve and I went on holiday to Benidorm with a few other friends.  Clive didn’t come with us.  Even then, Clive tended to do his own thing outside of the band. When we returned, the first batch of singles had already been pressed.

“Then we came back from Spain and met Mick (Chance), my brother-in-law, on the train at Liverpool Street, and he said “Your record’s out.” I don’t know how he knew.”

Roy

Bill had contacted an artist in Paris about creating a fifties style label for Airplay Records which looked fabulous, and he had started to distribute it to record shops and DJ’s. 

When we went back to The Hare after the holiday a few other band members came up and said they liked the single, asked us what it was about and how we’d recorded it etc. 

Leverage

That was the most magical thing about the music scene at the end of the seventies, because of independent labels it was relatively easy to release music, and people appreciated what you were attempting to achieve, especially other band members, because they understood how difficult the whole process of rehearsing, writing and performing was.  So, when we turned up at The Hare, it was as if we’d joined a select group of people from Harlow that had released a single and for a while at least, we felt as if we’d finally ‘arrived’.

Pressure Stops – Crash Wanderer (1980, Vinyl) – Discogs

However, it still didn’t give us any leverage with the likes of The Sods or the Newtown Neurotics unsurprisingly. But it didn’t matter. Little did we know, we had a radio spot coming up.

NEXT – PART 14 – ON YOUR RADIO

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Roy started to choose his own bass lines. It was only going one way from there. But before it did we recorded a 45 rpm single.

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Choose Your Bassline

In between chaotic live sets, we had added a few additional songs to our set list.  Empty Words was a mid-tempo song about unrequited love once more, and was in a minor key to give it that extra special feeling of despondency, loss, resentment and hate.  Cheery stuff. 

It had a very specific bassline to one particular part, where there was a tempo change as the chorus led back into the verse.  It was up at the top end of the neck and Roy was supposed to play it behind a couple of crunchy chords I had, whilst Clive rattled about on the toms for a few bars until it took off again.

However, when I explained this to Roy he became rather agitated and said, “I’m the fucking bass player, you put me on it.  I’ll play my own bassline!”  I wasn’t going to be deterred though. This was my song after all.  “But Roy,” I began, “That’s how I’ve written it.  That’s how it goes.” But he wasn’t for swaying.

On reflection, I think Roy was fearful that his ability on the bass was being brought into question.  But it wasn’t that at all.  If he’d come up with something better, it would’ve stayed in (as it did in Control, where his bassline was so good he couldn’t even play it!)

A Bass Off

In the end we put it to the vote, his bassline against mine.  Mine got the vote because I’d tailored it to fit that part.  But his irascible nature around basslines would continue to be a thorn in my side for the whole time the band was together.

These days we laugh about it (sort of) but at the time, oh no. It was very serious and very important. And of course, because I couldn’t deal with confrontation of any kind, I had no idea how to overcome the differences between us, so I attempted to placate him which probably only made matters worse.

“I had this idea that the guitarist decided what guitar parts to play, the singer decided how to sing the song, the drummer decided on the drum parts and the bass player played the bass line. That was how I thought a band worked. Then you Lee, came along telling everybody what to do! There should’ve been a middle ground where we all put ideas in.”

Roy

Recording

A few Harlow bands had singles out and a band called The Gangsters had gone so far as recording an album.  Their rhythm guitarist and singer Bill Meadows wanted to do his own thing and put on gigs, record bands and start his own label. 

The Gangsters though lived in the rarefied air of what we called ‘the proper bands’; ones that had recorded songs, had a following or supported the pro bands when they came to play at Harlow College.

When we played Crash Wanderer at gigs it got a good response from the audiences and then Bill Meadows asked us if we wanted to record it for Stortbeat Records.

Stortbeat Records Releases

Of course, we said yes and quickly decided that “Shirts” should be the B-side.  Because we had rehearsed both songs a lot and had played them both a few times live, the arrangements were very much set in stone so when it came to recording them it would be a straightforward job of recreating what we did as a matter of course. 

But recording doesn’t work like that. And neither do record labels, because in between Bill asking us to record and going into the studio, Stortbeat had folded and Bill had started his own label, Airplay Records.

In The Studio

We agreed we would foot the bill for the studio time which amounted to about £60 for the day and Bill would cover the cost of pressings, artwork and distribution which he thought would amount to about £200.  So, on Saturday 2nd of August we all piled into Cob’s VW camper and drove up to the Elephant & Castle where Ear’ole, an eight-track studio was located in what looked like the bombed out remains of a building site.  We discovered it wasn’t a bomb site but merely what the Elephant & Castle usually looked like.

“We went up to the studio in Cob’s van and when we went out for lunch, I could only get Sausages and Beans. That’s as much as I remember. The whole day went downhill for me after they ran out of Chips.”

Steve C – his priorities were always clear

When we arrived at the studio Shane Roe, guitarist of Harlow band The Sods was already there.  I wasn’t keen on having him in the studio because I didn’t really like him.  Of course, I didn’t actually know him but he appeared a little pretentious for me, as were some of the other local bands who, rather than try to assist new bands in any way they could, appeared to prefer to look down on them.  The Sods were one such band.  The Newtown Neurotics were another.

Whether they were aware of the disparity that had been created between them and us I have no idea, but they never socialised with other bands, or offered them gigs which was effectively, how the scene worked.

Better? Surely Not

We got on well with the other bands in the town at the time: Easy Action, Spellin Misteaks, The Gangsters, The Rabbits, Pre-Set, No Warning, Howard Like, and The Firm. 

Even Attila would give you the time of day. And so, we played gigs with them all, hung out together and enjoyed each other’s company but The Sods and the Newtown Neurotics clearly thought they were better than us (in fact they were) and kept their distance.

In a strange turn of irony, they had created a two-tier system of ‘haves’ and ‘have-nots’, exactly the environment punk bands were attempting to dismantle throughout the country. They were the established bands and had effectively become the establishment, holding on to what they had achieved through fear of losing it. They needn’t have worried on our account; we were way out of their league.

So, when Shane Roe appeared at the studio as producer, and at Bill’s request, I wasn’t comfortable.  We set up and played a live backing track that we used as a guide track for the proper recording.  I was nervous as hell with Shane, Bill and the engineer staring out through the control room window at me and I couldn’t get my guitar in tune. 

I had no way of tuning it other than by ear and it sounded fine to me.  Roy would then tune his bass to my guitar and that’s how we tuned up.  We discovered that the engineer, who was French, wasn’t happy with that.

Tuning

“You’re guitar is not tune-ED correctly,” he said over the intercom.

“Ok,” I replied.  “Hang on.” I ran through the tuning again, tuning one string to the previous as I had been taught in my Lazy Susan Guitar Method book.  Roy checked his Bass against mine and we said we were ready.  We began the guide track again but about two bars in the voice came over the intercom once more.

“Stop! Stop!  Zees guitar ees not right!  Tune it up,” he said.

I strummed an E major chord.  Sounded fine to me.  “It’s fine,” I said again.  There was a short discussion in the control booth which was not broadcast over the intercom, then the engineer came into the studio and walked up to me.

“Your guitar is tune-ED to each string but not concert pitch,” he explained. 

Good Grief

What’s he on about? I thought to myself, but said, “So how do I do that?” He looked at me and tapped his ear.  Although I was tuning my guitar to what was called Standard Tuning i.e. E-A-D-G-B-E the pitch of the bottom E string wasn’t at concert pitch and so I was tuning the guitar about a semitone sharp (#) which meant my E major chord wasn’t a ‘concert pitch’ E major it was a ‘concert pitch’ F major.

This isn’t a problem if everyone is tuned to the same pitch but if later, I had retuned my guitar and it wasn’t tuned exactly as it was now, then the later recording would sound out of tune if they were added to the current recording. 

The way to combat this problem is to always have your guitar tuned to concert pitch.  In 1980, tiny little tuners which clamped to the headstock of your guitar didn’t exist. You either needed a keyboard or a tuning fork and I didn’t have either.  The engineer tuned my guitar by ear and we continued.

Problematic Peavey

Next was the sound of my Peavey amp.  Again it was all wrong.  And again I thought I knew what I was doing but didn’t.  To produce an overdriven sound on a guitar, which was a feature of the song, I cranked up the gain on the amp and went from there but the engineer was complaining my guitar was too loud so I automatically turned the volume down on the guitar.  I didn’t realise that the overdriven guitar feature was created by ‘driving’ the pickups on the guitar as much as possible from the guitar volume control.

Dialling the guitar volume down to four or five cleaned up the signal and the overdrive would go missing.  The engineer came back in the studio, started fiddling about with the amp but we couldn’t reproduce the sound so we played the track ‘clean’ and they decided to add effects at the desk.  Once we had a good guide track we started recording the instruments individually.

But that was just the beginning of the nightmare. Next I had to provide overdubbed guitar parts. Which was fine except for one, tiny detail. I didn’t have any.

NEXT – PART 13 – NERVOUS WRECK

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The next shambolic gig on the circuit was the Katherines Festival. The shortest gig we ever played and quite possibly the shortest music gig of all time.

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Annoy The Establishment

We were offered two gigs on Saturday 26^th July.  One was an evening gig at a friend from school’s (Paul Weeks) 21^st birthday party in his garden in Nazeing, beside the swimming pool.  That gig is best remembered for my guitar permanently going out of tune (not that I noticed) and the Police (not Sting) being called because we were making too much noise.

But before that we had a gig in the afternoon at The Katherines Festival.  Katherines was a newer estate in Harlow and was situated on the edge of the town, on the road to Nazeing.  It features here as the shortest gig we ever played and also because it was the longest to set up.  It is also memorable for one other reason.

Katherines Festival

The Katherines Festival wasn’t a music festival let’s clear that up before I start.  It was a glorified summer fête that, because it wasn’t associated with a primary school became known as the Katherines Festival.  Quite what it was a festival to, I’m not entirely sure.  There were a couple of beer tents, some kiddies rides, some stalls selling bric-a-brac but it was viewed by Harlow Council as a big event on the annual calendar.

Lady Gaga

So much so that the festival would be declared open by the Mayor’s wife, or some such local dignitary, like Lady Da-Da (not Gaga).  We were late getting to the festival by a good hour or so and were in dire trouble of not getting to play if we didn’t set up in time.  Roy and Steve lived in Katherines so they were already there, but Cob had agreed to give the rest of us a lift in his VW Camper, so we bundled in the back with our gear and took off for the venue.  James was up front, directing operations and had noticed the beer tent was open when we made it to Katherines field.

A big crowd had already assembled and they were all standing watching something.  As the band though, we ignored this and Cob drove directly across the field, round the crowd and James directed him to a space right next to the nearest beer tent.  “Over there,” he said pointing.  There’s a space, just by them pensioners in suits,” he declared.  Cob roared the engine as we bounced across the grass and towards the gap in the throng, revved a few times, pulled up, smoke billowing from the exhaust, cut the engine and we all clambered out.  I looked around as the others fell out of the van behind me.

Dawn Of The Dead

I tapped Clive’s arm and said, “Clive.  What’s going on?” He looked around.

“There,” I said, pointing in front of us.  There was a huge crowd standing about fifty feet away and everyone was silently peering at us. It was like a scene from Dawn of the Dead.

James said, “Looks like they’re watching something.  Perhaps they’ve not seen a punk band before!”

Get Back

Just then, we heard Cob calling from the other side of the van and then an older man’s voice was saying, “Excuse me!” over and over again.

“Put the stuff back in the van,” Cob said.  “We can’t park here,” he explained.

“Why,” what’s going on?” I asked, still none the wiser.

“Well that’s the public over there,” he said pointing to the extras from Dawn of the Dead.  “And over here, behind the van is the Mayor’s wife and she’s about halfway through her speech to open the festival.  So, they’ve asked us to move the van so she can continue.”

Pressure Petrol

We began laughing.  He got in, revved it up, choked everyone with petrol fumes and pulled away leaving us standing in the middle of the field looking at the dignitaries on one side, and Dawn of the Dead on the other. We shuffled away.

“Now, where was I?” the Mayoress said over the PA.  “The Katherines Festival has always…” she warbled.

“Steve and me watched it all unfold from the other side. It was hilarious. Because we lived nearby we were already there getting set up beside the beer tent. So, she was on the microphone addressing the crowd who had kept a respectful distance. She was saying stuff like “It’s a lovely occasion blah blah…” when suddenly Cob’s van appeared and screeched to a halt between her and the crowd. We were going, “Move! Move!”

Roy

We collapsed with laughter once we were away from the crowd. “Well that was a good start,” said Steve.

“Look on the bright side lads,” said Roy.  “It can’t get any worse than that can it.”  It did.

Don’t Get Electrocuted

We began to set up on the grass near the beer tent.  There was no stage to speak of, so the organisers put some old carpet down for us to set up on.  When it got to the point where we were going to plug in and do a soundcheck another organiser wheeled in an ancient looking generator and told us to plug our stuff into the lead running off it.

“We’re not using that,” said Clive.  “It’s not earthed.  There’s no way, it’s too dangerous, not out here.  Not without an earth.” 

Gang Of Four Extension

The discussions about playing and safety continued but Clive was non-plussed and refused to back down even though he was on drums so wasn’t going to get electrocuted.  The organisers decided the easiest thing to do was get some extension leads and plug into someone’s house on the other side of the bushes.  After about forty-five minutes a ton of extension leads appeared, trailing across the grass all the way up to where we stood. 

Plug In, Tune Up And Switch On

We tuned up, plugged in, switched on and did a quick soundcheck.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, give a great big warm Katherines Festival welcome to a local band who have kindly agreed to entertain you this afternoon, give it up for the Pressure Stops!” said someone over the microphone.

There was a small ripple of applause and then the crowd fell silent.  The kids ran to the front to see ‘the band’ and we nervously fiddled with the volume controls on our guitars, checked tuning, while Clive made last minute adjustments to his seat and snare.

“Afternoon!” said Steve over the mic.

Silence.

“I said AFTERNOON!” he repeated, a little angrily.

A couple of small children quietly said “hello,” and that was all.

“Oh, please yourselves,” he said solemnly.  “This is Katherines and we’re the Pressure Stops, you might have seen us when the old biddy was warbling on earlier.  Anyway, we’ve got some songs for you.  The first one is called People on the Side.  One-Two-Three-Four!”

Bang – Straight In

I went into the intro, Clive came in on the toms and then Roy’s thundering bass kicked in just as Clive switched to snare to give it some snap.

“People on the side looking at ME, going round the track to victoREE.  I must push on, it’s in the stars, we wear business suits instead of racing cars,” sang Steve, or growled really.

Roy and I came in on backing vocals. “I’m a motor racing, a power chasing, and one of these days I’m gonna get you.  I’m a motor racing, a power chasing, and when I do you’re gonna be through!”

At the end of the chorus was a short riff across a couple of chords and then we were back into the verse.  We sounded great.  Tight, solid and fast.

Keep On Pushing

“I keep on pushing,” sang Steve and then I felt it.  The drive? The anger? The energy? No.  On my nose.  A large drop of rain.  Then within seconds there were a few more and suddenly the heavens opened and it began to pour down.  We screeched to a halt.  “Switch everything off!” someone was shouting and there was panic as we tried to get the guitars off and unplug the amps at the same time, before one of us went up in smoke. 

Clive was panicking because his kit was getting soaked, my guitar was out in the rain and so was the amp and I was trying to pick them both up and shift them as quickly as possible into the beer tent, except the guitar was still connected to the amp and the amp was still plugged into the mains.  I grappled with the equipment, ripping the leads out as quickly as possible.  We just chucked stuff inside and went back for more.

Get Back Out There

The guy who’d organised the Katherines festival was standing there getting irater as he watched us.

“What are you doing?” he asked indignantly.

“What does it look like?” I said.

“You’re here to play so that’s what you’re going to do!” he cried.

“You’re fucking kidding me! In this?” said Roy.

“It’ll stop in a minute, you can start again,” he said with little reassurance.

“No way,” said Steve.  “That’s it.  It’s soaking out there.  We’ve got nothing dry to stand on, there’s no power and no cover and….” he looked outside.  “…it’s getting worse.”

1:14 Seconds

Then Mick Chance, Roy’s brother-in-law stepped in and explained, in a fairly direct manner, that we wouldn’t be playing anymore, due to the inclement weather conditions.  I don’t think he mentioned “inclement weather” specifically, but that’s what he meant.

Katherines Festival was our shortest gig ever, weighing in at a massive one minute and fourteen seconds in length, including the introduction. Strangely, when Katherines organised another festival the following year, we weren’t invited back.

The shortest music concert ever

NEXT – PART 12 – THIS IS POP?

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The next thing to do was decide on a band name and then later, in August ’79, we performed our first gig.

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What’s Your Name?

By the time the band had been offered our first gig we had a handful of songs we could call upon to play.  We’d been through a few band names by now.  Eggy and the Chips, Neat Lard, Short Talk, 2112.

“I can remember we were all sitting in Lee’s bedroom one evening trying to think of a band name, but I was more worried about missing the last bus home.  He had one of those 24-hour digital clocks on the shelf, and it was displaying 21:12 as the time, so I said, “Let’s call ourselves 2112 so I can go home.””

Steve C

There was even talk of R.G. Bargy & The Jostlers but I think we concluded we were far too serious for such a frivolous name (sadly) and then we decided on The Pressure Stops. 

I came up with it and the others liked it.  I could waffle on about how the name was an ironic reflection of a dystopian future of urban decay in a New Town in the present, but I’d be lying.  It was just some words I liked the sound of. We were talking about band names in The Hare one evening and I said to Steve, “How about “pressure” something?” He agreed, so we just went through different words until we found something we liked the sound of.

Pressure Performances

Our debut gig was at the Lower Meadow Playbarn in Harlow and was called the “Commonside Festival”.  We played alongside local luminaries The Rabbits, Howard Like and The Receivers (later The Firm).  It was the 18^th August 1979 and someone had set up a small PA at one end of the tarmac playground.  I was so frightened that when we came to play, I stood with my back to the audience for the whole gig, which lasted about twenty minutes.  

My stage attire of choice was black trousers or jeans, a white shirt, skinny black tie and a black waistcoat with a black Only Ones badge on it.  We were rubbish but we got a good response from some of the crowd who clearly enjoyed ‘experimental punk’ played at full volume.  Experimental in this instance means to experiment with playing at the same tempo, in the same key and the same song as everyone else.

“I think we got the gig through The Rabbits because I knew Roger Milton (The Rabbits singer) through Tony Doherty, James’ brother. They were his friends.³⁵“

Roy

“Lower Meadow was Howard Like’s last ever gig.  Because Alan Main had already been chucked out.  They’d already done some sessions with Peter Powell (Radio 1 DJ), who was going to get them a record deal and get them on the radio but then it all fell apart.  I think Mick Cowley and Dave Austin were going off to University.”

Steve C

The band continued to rehearse and play the odd gig.  I refer to the notes I made at the time:-

Gig 2: – Saturday 3^rd November 1979

Futuristic Party

Magdalen Laver Village Hall

We played for about fifteen minutes before one of the organisers pulled the plug.  Richard Holgarth of The Gangsters played lead guitar even though he wasn’t in the band and hadn’t rehearsed any of the songs.  I was told, one of the girl organisers had a thing for a soul-boy who was in attendance, and he didn’t like our music so threatened to leave.

I also remember overhearing someone complaining about the girls because they ‘had to arrange a party better than anyone else’.  “Not only is it a ‘futuristic’ party,” she said, “but they have to have a band.  Not only that but they have to have two DJ’s.” Which was true. They did have two DJ’s. There was so much gear on the stage we had nowhere to stand, and Richard had to stand on the floor where we’d shout over to him what key the next song was in. Then, when the DJ introduced us, he introduced us as The Precious Tops. It was the final insult. Except it wasn’t. Having the plugged pulled was even more embarrassing.

“We played three songs and then we were told to get off.  We said, “We’ve only got one more!””

Roy

“Jackie and Diane asked us if we wanted to play the gig, even though the other organisers made up most of the bands Howard Like and Pre-Set.”

Steve C

Gig 3: – Wednesday 19^th December 1979

Party for children of one parent families

Harlow Technical College

With “No Warning” (paid £3.30 each)

I have no memory of this gig whatsoever, all I know is it was a children’s party and they all burst into tears when we slammed into the first number, so I’ll let Roy explain.

“We played in the main hall, on the main stage and it was organised by Sue Milton, sister of Roger Milton from The Rabbits.  It was a Christmas party for Gingerbread, which was a one parent family charity.  I was living in her flat in Abbotsweld and she asked me if we would do a gig at the college for some kids. That was it.  I was like “yeah, definitely!”  We asked Martin Brown of No Warning if he wanted to do it as well and he said yes, as long as he was headlining.“

Roy

“It was an afternoon thing, so we got set up and started playing and there were just these little kids.  Little five, six, seven and eight year-old kids.  And we started playing and my abiding memory was all the kids holding their ears and crying and the helpers taking them outside to another room.   So, we were playing to an empty room.  We did our customary four songs and got off.“

Roy

“Then Martin Brown’s lot came on and they asked him to do…and this is the ideal punk ethic thing…they asked him to play musical statues.  So, they’re up there, playing a song and then stopping and all the kids would stop, then they’d carry on and do it again a little while later.  That was quite surreal.  I have that down as our worst ever gig.”

Roy

Gig 4: Wednesday 20^th February 1980

Square One

With “No Warning” (paid £4.00 each)

Steve and I spent the gig ad-libbing and ridiculing Roy and Clive in equal measure.  At one point I said, “Well what do you expect from Clive.  Who would honestly wear glasses like that?  Apart from Sean of course,” and I pointed to Sean Folen, in the audience.  Sean was a friend from The Hare who was putting together his own band.  The reason he wore glasses was because he was blind in one eye.  He didn’t find it as amusing as everyone else and never let me forget it.

“We put up posters all over the town centre for that one.  Including all over a Henry Moore statue.  We got a call the next day telling us not to put up any more posters.  I think we were one of the first ever bands to play at Square One, because they’d just renamed it from the Galaxy Club.”

Steve C

You can read all about the history of Harlow Bands and The Square at the following link.

Harlow Bands Archive

Gig 5: – Wednesday 27^th February 1980

The Triad, Bishops’ Stortford

With “No Warning”

We played to three punks and the other band.  The punks sat with their backs to us and talked through the whole set.  Until we played Breakdown by The Buzzcocks.  They cheered at the end of that song.  Because we didn’t know all the lyrics, Steve sang his own. 

“I’m looking at the amps and they’re looking at me. 

One’s a Flame and the other’s a Peavey. 

They’re gonna breakdown, they’re gonna breakdown yeah.”

Gig 6: – Wednesday 30^th April 1980

Square One

With “Pre-Set” (paid £2.00 each)

Pre-Set was Sean Folen’s band.  He’d just about forgiven me for the quip at the earlier gig.  That’s the trouble with ad-libs.  They come out before you’ve had time to think about them.

Gig 7: – Wednesday 7^th May 1980

Local Pop Group Talent Competition

Tye Green Community Centre

With “Tequila” & “Dutch Courage”

The other bands played covers.  We couldn’t because I could never work out the chords.  Unless it was a Buzzcocks song.

I broke a string at this gig, but I felt this was a talent competition for pub bands really. 

“You broke a string at every fucking gig as far as I remember.”

Roy

So, there are some things Roy can remember. String breaking aside, what these gigs clarify is, as a band we:-

1. had to find our own gigs, very rarely did anyone offer us one.
2. played live very infrequently
3. usually played in Harlow
4. didn’t get paid much, if at all
5. played a lot on a Wednesday

And if you think those gigs were chaotic, the next one was even better, or worse, depending on how you view it, as we never even got to the end of the first song.

NEXT – PART 11 – GERM FREE ADOLESCENTS

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Roy took up the bass, we started writing new songs, Crash Wanderer was one of them.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IKQHLNN7Hg

Pressure Player

And it was settled.  Roy bought a bass and we started again a few weeks later, as a four piece.  I saw Steve Byrne some months later and he asked if I was playing in a band and I felt compelled to lie but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  “Yeah, I am as it happens,” I said tentatively.  “We started the band up again and Roy wanted to play bass so that’s what we did.”

To his credit Steve Byrne didn’t complain about it.  Perhaps he knew all along, or perhaps he knew he wasn’t cut out for being in a band and had only agreed to do it because I’d badgered him into it.  Either way, we left on (reasonably) good terms, but it was a long time before I saw him again.  I always felt it was a terrible thing to do, but even though he’s nearly forgiven me, I still feel uncomfortable about it.

But I couldn’t deal with confrontation and that’s what I feared more than anything.  Having said all that, none of the other band members stepped forward to deliver the news, so we were all culpable to some degree.

Crash Wanderer

We continued rehearsing at the Pepperpot and continued writing songs.  Roy and Steve had come up with “People on the Side” plus “Control” and I had written a few other songs, one was called “Security Clothes” and another called “Crash Wanderer”.  On the Buzzcocks album “Love Bites” was a song I liked called “Sixteen Again” and I liked it so much I wrote a song called “Eighteen” as my own version.  I was 18, so that’s where the title came from (it really didn’t get any more complicated than that).

Security Clothes was a song about people blindly following fashion and being judged or ostracised for not conforming.  A bit like I did with punk but of course the irony was lost on me then.  Also, Security Clothes featured the remarkably familiar “D-A-G-A” chord progression.  I’d clearly come to the conclusion that if a melody didn’t fit those chords, then it wasn’t worth writing.

“I was 17 probably (when I started song writing), the process then was definitely lyrics first and then trying to find some chords I could play that fitted the melody.  My songs then were dark because I was inspired by a god-awful childhood.” 

Roy

Hats Off To Roy

Roy’s god-awful childhood consisted of not only living in Harlow (if that wasn’t bad enough), but his mum died when he was two weeks old; his 15 year-old sister left school to look after him, then he was farmed out to relatives in Wales until the age of 10, before returning to Harlow (which is when I met him in the playground of Broadfields school). To top things off for Roy, his dad married a woman who, at best would be described as the personification of the evil stepmother.

“The Dashes play scheme saved me. I wasn’t allowed to be indoors except to eat, sleep and do my homework, even if it was pissing down with rain. So, Sundays were a bit of a problem because the play scheme was closed. So I used to go and sit in the library all day.”

Roy

I think it’s fair to say Roy didn’t have the most stable of upbringings, which given the fact he has done so well for himself, makes him and his life all the more remarkable.

Write More Material

Back on planet Pressure Stops however, I’d had a chorus for a song called Crash Wanderer for some time, since before we had started rehearsing but hadn’t put the rest of it together just yet. But then an odd thing happened.  I wrote the song in the key of B! There wasn’t a “D-A-G-A” in sight.  It was based around the chords “B-E-A” which is ironic given that BEA was an airline and the song was about flying.

British European Airways – Wikipedia

The other odd thing about “Crash Wanderer” was the clunky metaphor between corporate business and aviation.  And we already had a song called “People On The Side” which featured a clunky metaphor between Corporate Business and motor sport.  And nobody noticed until years later.  Which tells its own story about how much notice we took of each other’s lyrics. 

Then between Roy, Steve and myself we wrote “Communication Breakdown” which I was never happy with because Led Zeppelin had a song of the same name.  “Why can’t we come up with something original?” I asked Steve.  “Because I like it,” he replied.   “But what about Zeppelin?” I countered.  “I couldn’t care less about Zeppelin,” he replied,  “so, Zeppelin can fuck off.”  I felt sure I wasn’t going to get any further traction with Steve on this one.³⁷

“I think the thing that really inspired me to write songs actually was, all of a sudden you were given licence to do it, because there were these people standing up on stage looking faintly ridiculous, crashing about, on guitars they couldn’t play and suddenly you didn’t have to be a music graduate.”

Roy

Vancouver

Back at work I was still spending hours a day writing stuff in my head on the train to and from work and sometimes whilst I was at work too.  If a riff comes to you while you’re at your desk you can’t ignore it.  You have to memorise it by playing it over and over in your mind or singing the tune quietly to yourself until it sticks.

The music section of my brain was like a basic computer.  I could store one new riff in memory and could only shift it into long term memory by playing it over and over on the guitar or in my head.  If I heard another piece of music, then it would automatically overwrite my own riff and it would be lost forever.  I wrote the song Crash Wanderer like this.  Singing it over and over in my head until it stuck.

CEO

It was a story of someone who is fȇted when they are successful but forgotten when they’re not.  As I said, I used a clunky metaphor of a pilot losing control of a plane and crashing in a barren wasteland where there’s no radio contact, interspersed with a CEO of a large business losing control of the company he owned, as a way of expressing my opinion on fickle relationships. 

I was attempting to move on from my Lover Next Door nonsense, even though I didn’t view it as nonsense at the time. 

Take this verse for instance:-

“We’re North-West of Vancouver,

Where the ice and snow,

Stretch into the shadows beyond the unknown.

The mangled wreck of my solo flight,

Leaves me here to survive the rest of the night.”

I quite liked it.  I was thinking of a snowy, barren wasteland and came up with Alaska but Alaska didn’t fit with the rhythm of the song, so I looked at a map of the globe and discovered Alaska was North-West of Vancouver and that appeared to fit perfectly and once I had that line, the other lines just came out in an effortless stream of conscious drivel. 

Pressure Park

We tried it out at rehearsals and everyone in the band liked it, so we started practicing it.  I worked on refining the lyrics as I strode home through the Town Park of an evening and developed the arrangement over time as ideas appeared in my mind and I’d try them out on the guitar. 

Solo

I even came up with a small solo for it which I’d never done before.  At this time, I had no knowledge of scales other than the chromatic scale, which isn’t very melodic when it comes to music, so I would hear a solo in my head and I’d try to work it out on the fretboard.  It was this trial-and-error approach which led to the little 12 second lead burst that eventually appeared on the song.  A lead burst I might add, played exclusively on the top E string.  That’s proper guitar work, right there.

As I said, I had no knowledge of scales.  I’d occasionally ask other guitarists about scales and how to play a solo, but it was like some secret code that you had to crack yourself.  It’s how you were judged then, on how proficient you were.  But punk took a lot of that away.  Suddenly the ‘in’ thing was not being able to play, a sort of anti-ability, and of course that suited me perfectly.

“My nickname “Eggy” was from my middle name, Edgar. My sisters used to call me “Roy Eggy Beep Beep”. I used to play with cars a lot when I was young – going, Beep Beep.”

Roy

Now we had some songs and a settled line-up, what we needed was a band name and some gigs. Sadly Eggy & The Chips and R.G. Bargy & The Jostlers weren’t acceptable for a proper band, which is what we thought we were.

We needed something that reflected the difficulties of life in a modern day new town. Or just any old name we quite liked would also have sufficed.

NEXT – PART 10 – CRUEL TO BE KIND

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Early rehearsals as a 5-piece created an environment where it was clear not everyone was fully committed to the overarching vision of world domination.

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Dream Time

Admittedly, we didn’t have the ability to play whatever we liked, so much as whatever we could play. But still, it was a magical time for me. And soon I discovered the magic didn’t end there, because every time I came to rehearsals with a new song, the joy started all over again, as we would breathe life into what was, until then, nothing more than an embryonic collection of unstructured, jangling ideas in my mind.

Then Roy, Steve B, Steve C, and Clive would add there own embellishments, things I hadn’t considered, to a riff say, and the song, like a speeded-up time lapse film of a flower in a David Attenborough documentary, would grow and come to life before our very eyes. It was like watching your child walk or talk, for the very first time.

In my head I could hear string arrangements, orchestras, brass sections but that was never going to happen in this band. What I couldn’t imagine was the sheer power, the drive, the energy that was created by five of us, in a room, with rudimentary music gear. It really was the stuff of dreams, something I was completely unprepared for. It didn’t matter that the songs were naff, or the lyrics were naïve and foolish. What mattered is, we played them, at full volume and when it all came together, which it did occasionally, the songs took on a whole new life of there own.

Equipment

As time went on, we suggested to Steve B he buy his own amp because we thought Roy’s amp was going to get damaged. He agreed but the amp never materialised.  Roy became less and less enamoured towards Steve using his amp and disagreements at rehearsals started very soon afterwards.  Steve didn’t seem overly keen on spending cash at that time, so it was always going to end one way.  But some other issues had manifested themselves in the meantime too.

Pressure Problems

Although Roy and I were not the most prolific fretboard warriors, we had noticed Bernie appeared to be doing little or no practicing at home, between rehearsals. Perhaps he was busy, or tired or whatever, but it was the usual thing in bands, where individuals are working at a different pace to each other, and its then that cracks begin to materialise.

We were, or believed we were, totally immersed in music and the band, and it appeared as if Bernie wasn’t. Or at least, not in the same way us.  So, mistakes, which were plentiful at the outset by all of us, had, over time, been slowly eradicated by all but one member of the band. And, in a band, it becomes very clear, very quickly, when someone isn’t putting in the same amount of effort as everyone else. Then it creates divisions, discord and disharmony and soon that disharmony spills out into disagreements during rehearsals.

“We were having to play the songs through really slowly.  I don’t know whether that was just us or because Steve didn’t know the songs very well, but some of them just dragged.”

Steve C

Kawasaki Bass Cabinet

Furthermore, Bernie, who had explained he was skint and therefore couldn’t buy an amp at the time, arrived at rehearsals one night on a Kawasaki “Green Meanie” which he’d bought second hand the week before.  This then was the real reason he was skint and couldn’t purchase a bass amp.  Also, in reality the amp was of little consequence now, since buying the bike precluded the need for an amp as now it was impossible for him to transport it.

Identify The Weak Links

After rehearsals had finished, Bernie packed up his bass and left, and the issues began to get another airing.

“You can tell him,” said Roy.

“I’m not telling him,” I replied.

“You have to.  He’s your friend and it was your idea that he join the band in the first place,” countered Roy.

“What’s that got to do with anything?  You’re the one complaining about him using your amp.” I pointed out.

“And I’ve told him to buy his own stuff, but he won’t,” he said.

“Someone has to tell him,” said Steve.

“Well, I’m not telling him he’s out. I asked him to join because we needed a bass player and you lot were happy for me to get him in, so how is it suddenly my job to get rid of him?” I asked.

Confrontation

I couldn’t tell him.  I didn’t know how.  It was a confrontation, and I couldn’t deal with confrontation.  I had to be nice to people otherwise they would reject me, that was my inner mantra, so telling Bernie he was out of the band went against all my principles.  But I was fed up too.  His recalcitrance around buying equipment suggested he had commitment issues and coupled with the lack of practice meant he was holding the rest of us back from reaching the big time!

The Square, Harlow – Wikipedia

Stealth Bomber

The rehearsals descended into farce; Bernie continued to refuse to spend any money on equipment; Roy got more agitated; I got fed up with the constant mistakes.  The differences between us became huge; we were all serious about the band, whereas Bernie appeared to treat it as a knock about.  I was cornered and the others were waiting for me to tell him.  I’d known Bernie since we were in the infants together, from the age of 5 and I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t even tell him the truth.

Then, one day I hit upon a brilliant idea.  It was a simple plan, but the best plans were often simple and elegant by design.  I pitched it to the others.  They agreed with it.  It was a way for Bernie to leave the band without telling him.

At the end of the next rehearsal, at which the arguing had been upped a little further, we were packing up our stuff and I piped up out of the blue, “You know what lads?  I’m getting a bit fed up with this.  All this arguing, all the mistakes, all the moaning.  I started this band to have some fun but these rehearsals are not anymore, not for me at least. So, I don’t know about you lot, but I don’t really want to do it. Not like this.”

Pressure Play

Everyone stopped packing away and looked at each other.  It had begun, the first direct attempt at voicing unhappiness and disillusionment. What I was saying was true, I was frustrated, I just couldn’t bare the thought of voicing my frustration directly at Bernie. There was silence for a moment, then Roy chipped in, “So, you’re just going to leave then eh? Knock it on the head?”

Me: “No, not exactly.  I don’t know how you lot feel but it’s not much fun is it?”

Roy: “No, you’re right.  I’m not really enjoying it either to be honest.  Coulson?”

Steve C: “Well I used to enjoy it, but it wouldn’t bother me if we packed it in.  At least I wouldn’t have to lug all this stuff on the bus anymore,” he said indicating the pile of gear in front of him.

Clive: “Same here. My Dad’s always moaning about putting my drums in his car.”

Getting The Message

This went on for a while as we all pitched in the reasons why we were going to pack it all in or not, as the case may be.  Nobody mentioned Bernie specifically as an issue, although mistakes at rehearsals, and lack of equipment and practicing did get an airing, in a way that was fairly clear i.e. we all needed to practice between rehearsals, not at rehearsals.  I half-hoped Bernie would get the message, but sadly he didn’t.  

I wanted him to own up to not practicing enough, to using rehearsals for practice time, to not buying his own gear and to having greater priorities outside of the band.  If he had, we would have continued.  But he didn’t, he just shrugged and said, “So that’s it then.  We’re just going to give up?”

Me: “Looks like it.”

Roy: “Yep.”

Bernie: “Well I guess I’ll see you guys around.”

Mk I

Steve “Bernie” Byrne picked up his guitar and left.  The Pressure Stops Mk I was no more. We all continued to pack up and didn’t say anything until we went outside.  By then Bernie was gone and we looked at each other.

Steve Coulson said, “So what happens now?”

“Let’s leave it a few weeks, then we can reform and start rehearsals again.  But now we need to find a bass player,” I said.

“That was the thing in those days, basically the worst guitarist went on Bass.”

Roy

“Why don’t one of you two do it?” asked Steve.  Roy and I both turned our lips up at the thought of having to downgrade from six strings to four, but it made perfect sense.  “You do it,” Roy said to me.  “You do it!” I said back.  Steve interjected.  “If I’m honest Roy, Lee is a better guitarist than you, so you should go on Bass.” It was a low bar but I took heart that I was better at guitar than somebody.

“Why I ‘left’ the band

(a):- Musical differences i.e. I am tone deaf & not a very good musician.

(b):- Not taking it seriously enough i.e. “You need an amp & new guitar, and you bought a Kawasaki Z650!”

(c) We had a support slot @ the Triad in Stortford “, Me “I can only (in)competently play 2 tunes.”

(d) I’ve grown a beard , bought a white suit & shacked up with some oriental piece…or had that been done before?

(e) We will carry on, but don’t tell him!

It’s ok, I’ve had 40+ years (to come to terms with the rejection) I’m nearly over it…..”

Steve B

Suddenly we were a four-piece again, as we had been when writing Shirts at Roy’s house a few months previously. The difference now was we all had a specific role in the band and we all knew what we had to do. It didn’t mean we did it, or could do it but at least we knew what we were supposed to do, and that’s half the battle. Isn’t it?

NEXT – PART 9 – TRAIN IN VAIN

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