The Battle of Maldon

The Battle of Maldon

lee.r.adams

On 11th August 991 AD, a battle was fought between Anglo-Saxon and Viking armies, just outside the coastal town of Maldon, Essex. So, what caused the battle, what was the outcome, why did J.R.R. Tolkien write about it, and why should we be interested in something that happened over 1,000 years ago, when most of us can’t remember what happened last Wednesday? Well, let’s have a look.

Football Hooligans

For some, the Battle of Maldon represents a great moment in the history of Britain, where Anglo-Saxons gallantly fought and temporarily repelled the onslaught of Viking invaders, but much like the England football team under Gareth Southgate, got themselves to the final but still managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Gareth Southgate – “We will pay you with Spear Tips and Swords!”

Others though, consider the battle as nothing more than an aggregated version of the superfluous punch-ups occurring outside Wetherspoons (or ‘spoons) at kicking-out time on Friday nights.

Wetherspoons in Maldon High Street hasn’t changed a great deal during the intervening 1000 years

Teenage Rampage

In 991 AD when the battle took place, Britain was very different to today. For a start, the Romans had departed the isles and hadn’t got around to building the M25 (known in the local vernacular as the Emtiius Twentyfiveicus, or MXXV), so traffic was still able to move freely around Londinium with the minimum of fuss.

Artistic impression of how the M25 at the Clacket Lane Services may have looked, during the Roman occupation of Britain

Hitler

However, much like the Duke of Normandy, Napoleon, Adolf Hitler, Putin, Colonel Gaddafi, Pol Pot, Jabba The Hutt and a whole bunch of other devious miscreants, the Vikings wanted a piece of that pre-M25 action.

Lingerie

The Vikings, as I’m sure you’re well aware, hailed from the lands of Scandinavia and had ventured west across the North Sea in search of money, slaves, sex shops, saunas, lingerie, football and a good old booze-fuelled fight.

Although well established in 991, Ann Summers didn’t ship to Scandinavia

Lindisfarne

In 793, on the North Eastern coast of England they discovered the Holy Island of Lindesfarne, and pillaged it, taking jewels and anything else of value to them. They enjoyed themselves so much, they came back fairly regularly, much like English tourists flocking to the Costa Del Sol in search of cheap booze and nosh.

The Holy Island of Lindisfarne provided the Vikings with plenty of gold, silver and precious jewels but was surprisingly lacking in Sex Shops and Saunas

Folkstone – Jewel of the South

In August 991 the Vikings set off from Denmark in search of sun, sea, sand and sangria but discovered Folkstone instead. Somewhat disappointed, they nicked anything that wasn’t bolted down, burnt everything else to the ground (many, including the Anglo Saxons, said this was their greatest achievement), sailed up the coast to Sandwich, sacked that, sailed to Ipswich, sacked that too and then returned to the River Blackwater in search of Maldon and the Royal Mint that resided there.

Convoluted Viking raids across England’s east coast.

Glamping

Maldon was an important town, and home to important people. Near the town, in the centre of the river Blackwater is Northey Island. The Viking leader, who may have been one of a number of men; Andlaf, Svein Forkbeard1, or more likely Olafr Tryggvason, decided to set up camp here. There were 93 Viking longships carrying in the region of 3000-6000 fighting men.

Northey Island

Byrhtnoth (Old English: Byrhtnoð)

It’s likely the local Ealdorman to King Ethelred the Unready – meaning ‘poorly advised’ – Lord Byrhtnoth (pronounced Brithnoth), had already been informed the Vikings were nearby, after the violence of the coastal towns had been reported.

Ethelred the Idiot tries to stop the Vikings with right-wing rhetoric

He had gathered a fighting force, of a similar size to the invaders, who had travelled from across East Anglia to take up arms against the invaders.

The Big Fella

Byrhtnoth was an imposing figure. Standing well over 6 feet tall and likely in his late 60’s, he had long flowing silver hair and an unwavering determination to protect his land.

Byrhtnoth (right) consults his military advisors before the Battle of Maldon

Poverty Conscious

The Vikings, camped on the island, urged Byrhtnoth to pay them to ‘go away’, in an early form of a ‘protection racket’ later taken up with gusto by the Mafia and the Kray Twins.

Lager Louts

Danegeld or Danish Gold, later became synonymous with Carlsberg, probably the best lager in the world. But Carlsberg and advertising slogans were still in their infancy then, so it didn’t catch on.

These days you can buy a fridge on eBay with Danegeld in it but back then you had to have a pitched battle.

It’s All Kicking Off

But Byrhtnoth was having none of it and gave them a response the Vikings didn’t necessarily want to hear. “We’ll pay you with Spear Tips and Swords!” However, shouting words to the effect of “Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough” to Viking invaders, was much like telling your local Hell’s Angels Chapter that they’re a bunch of sissies and their tricycles are for losers, as neither group were renowned for their deep introspection where anger management was concerned.

It is believed some Hells Angels harbour deep psychological trauma caused by “unstable primary carer relationships” in early childhood. When questioned on this they replied, “Eff off.”

Panta

But the river, known at the time as the Panta, had a part to play in the exchange of insults, as high tide cut the island off from the mainland. And the causeway, linking the two, was temporarily submerged by the rising tides. The Vikings attempted to cross the causeway but were held back by a small group of East Saxon militia and had to wait for the tide to change. To amuse themselves while they waited, they invented Lego and cured a few flitches of bacon.

The causeway from Northey Island looking towards the battlefield. The Vikings stood here and hurled insults at Byrhtnoth

The Viking leader then asked Byrhtnoth to allow his army passage onto the mainland to do battle.

Olafr Tryggvason – Self Portrait (Lego on Canvas)

A Frank Exchange of Views

The discussion went something like this:-

Olafr Tryggvason: “Hey Britney, you want to have punch up with us, yes? We do fisticuffs?”

Lord Byrhtnoth: “It’s not Britney. It’s Byrhtnoth. Britney’s my wife.”

Britney Spears, wife of Lord Byrhtnoth. The Anglo Saxon Chronicles aren’t clear on whether she fought at the battle, or if she was touring her new album.

OT: “Excuse my ignorance, Britney. I am Danish. I have come to take your little island, as souvenir of our holidays. And your women. They make good pets, no? Perhaps they do jiggy-jiggy? Heheheh!”

LB: “Well, some definitely do, er… so I am informed. But you’re not having them, so clear off and take those degenerates with you.”

OT: “Britney, you’re not being very welcoming, and we’ve come such a long way to visit, haven’t we lads?”

The Vikings cheer in unison.

LB: “I told you, it’s Brith, er.. Bryan…er, Briff…well anyway, thanks for coming but we’re busy this week, what with harvest. And Ahmed from DPD is delivering our Combine Harvesters from Ernest Doe between 9.57 and 10.57, so bye then.”

Ernerst Doe – never knowingly sold to Vikings

OT: “Well, can’t they deliver to neighbour, or leave in safe place, behind wheelie bins?”

LB:” “I can’t update the order, the signal is a bit dodgy here, sorry.”

OT: “Well I tell you what, you let us cross river, we have bit of dust up, and whoever wins gets pick of laydees and combines. Whaddya think?”

LB: (aside) “What do you think lads, can we take ’em?”

General nods of approval.

Anglo-Saxons: ” Yeah, we can do ’em. Put the big man up front, overload on the flanks and chuck it in the mixer. Them Danish, they don’t like it up ’em.”

LB: (to the Vikings) “You, my good man, are on! Now, a wager perhaps, on who comes out victorious?”

OT: “Wager? What is wager? Why you talk in riddles Britney?”

LB: “You know, a bet, a wager.”

OT: “I give you bet Britney. I bet you lose your fucking head!”

LB:” And I bet you soil your britches! (holding his nose) Oh, looks like I’ve won already!”

OT: “Right, that does it! Charge!”

Decisions

And Byrhtnoth finally allowed the Vikings to cross. Many have considered this a poor military decision, based either on pride, arrogance or pure foolhardiness. But it is also recognised that Byrhtnoth had little choice other than to fight, as the Vikings would have attacked other towns on the coast, and these locations wouldn’t have had the luxury of an army.

It wasn’t until one of them stepped on a piece of Lego, that the Vikings realised they’d inadvertently invented another Dark Ages torture device

The Poem

Much of what is known of the battle is from a surviving fragment of a poem, author unknown, which was written a few years later, and was transcribed during the 1700’s.

Using violence, sarcasm and torture previously unheralded in Britain, the Vikings beat the Anglo-Saxons into submission

The Shield Wall

In the Anglo-Saxon poem of The Battle of Maldon, the author describes the warriors as they build their shield wall and fire arrows and spears at the ‘sea-wanderers’. Then they meet in pitched battle and fight hand to hand combat with swords. The poem describes the wounding, then death of Byrhtnoth at the hands of the ‘slaughter-wolves’. He is cut down by a poisoned spear but is able to kill his attacker with a spear through the neck before he too dies.

“Take that you rascal!”

The following link includes a recent translation of the poem.

The Norse Mythology Blog | norsemyth.org: The Battle of Maldon | Articles & Interviews on Myth & Religion

This prompts some to flee from the battlefield. One deserter, takes Byrhtnoth’s magnificent steed and races away. Unfortunately others believe this to be Byrhtnoth himself and they also flee, breaking the shield wall. The Vikings start to take control but there are heavy casualties on each side.

The Anglo-Saxons apply an ‘unorthodox’ approach to building a shield wall

Defensive Formations

Much like Gareth Southgate and the England team when they played the Danish at the recent Euro 24 tournament, the Anglo-Saxons used a very safe, defensive, 4-2-3-1 formation with the shield wall being Declan Rice and Trent Alexander-Arnold protecting the back four. Bellingham, Foden, Kane and Saka were the attacking militia, chucking spears and firing arrows. On both counts, the spears and arrows appeared blunted through over use.

England take an early lead in The Battle of Maldon, when Lord Byrhtnoth (9) fires home after pouncing on a loose ball in the Viking box, as Olafr Tryggvason (2) attempts a block.

Danegeld

Ultimately the game ended 1-1 with neither team ever getting a foothold in the match. Unlike the Vikings a thousand years ago. They decimated the Britons in what would become known as the first occasion where Danegeld was paid to the marauders. This was raised in taxes (surprise!) and given to the Vikings who agreed not to return. Which they didn’t. Until it ran out.

After the Battle

Byrhtnoth’s body was taken by the Anglo-Saxons to Ely Cathedral, and he was buried there. He had been decapitated during the battle and his head was never recovered.

Byrhtnoth’s grave is on the right

Spoils of War

Tryggvason went home with the Danegeld, Britney Spears and a New Holland CR10 Combine, with Twin Rotor Threshing Technology included as standard.

The CR10. The Vikings were keen on it’s upgraded motor.

Tolkien

JRR Tolkien had a keen interest in Old English, was Professor of Anglo-Saxon at Oxford, and studied the Battle of Maldon manuscript for many years. He even went as far to continue and finish the story from the Battle of Maldon poem in his book, The Homecoming of Beorhtnoth.

There is evidence to suggest the Battle of Maldon poem and the people within it, influenced Tolkien in the creation of the world of the Lord of the Rings, and as such, Tolkien believed it to be one of the most important pieces of historical writing. And it is the existence of the poem which elevates the battle to a higher status in history, as it is one of the few battles of that period where any real evidence exists.

Peter Jackson, Tolkien and Sir Ian McKellen create a Gandalf/Byrhtnoth combo

Having said that, no archaeological proof has ever been found regarding the battle, and until it is literally unearthed, there will always be speculation over it.

Sometimes only true professionals will do

Today

Today the battle site is little more than farmland and marshland beside the River Blackwater. It can be accessed on foot from Maldon Promenade, where Byrhtnoth’s statue stands, as a sentinel, watching over Northey Island. Northey Island still exists in much the same way as it did a 1000 years ago as does the causeway, making the island accessible at low tide.

Northey Island and the Causeway at low tide, from the battlefield

There is a sense of calm but also foreboding about the place. It’s very quiet, eerily quiet, considering the mayhem that took place there. But, whether you’re interested in history or not, it’s wonderful we have a direct connection to the troubled and sometimes violent times of a 1000 years ago.

Maldon

Maldon itself is keen on preserving the history of the battle, and of Byrhtnoth himself and references to both can be seen all over the town.

The Duke

And if that wasn’t bad enough, a mere 75 years later, in October 1066 a certain Duke of Normandy rolled up at Pevensey Bay on the Sussex coast, surveyed the land from the beach and said, “I am going to take zees island, as a souvenir of my ‘olidays.” Or words to that effect. And he did. But that’s another story.

The statue of Byrhtnoth stands guard over Maldon and Northey Island

Thank you for your time.

Back to blogs. Lees Blogosphere (theleeadamsblog.com)

  1. Forkbeard was son of King Harald Bluetooth Gormsson, after whom Bluetooth wireless technology was named (even though he didn’t technically invent it) and the bluetooth logo is a combination of his runic initials

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